What Are Friends For?
by Inflamed
Summary: Gage and DeSoto face a turning point in their friendship and work. Will it survive?
1. Chapter 1

Captain Hank Stanley looked at his shift crew however one member was missing. A very important member, who was always early, had his equipment calibrated and a list of supplies needed from Rampart Hospital. Paramedic/Fireman John Gage was missing and Stanley was worried. He had never thought he say this but he wish he had more men as conscientious as Gage.

For the past few months Gage had been an exceptional crew member with no whining, complaining or otherwise foolishness. He did his assigned duties perfectly and even seemed to improve on his paramedic abilities. Cap had found John buried in some medical book and even trying to get his partner, Andrew Palmer to do the same.

"Improves your diagnosis in the field, Palmer and helps the doctor too," he had heard him tell Palmer not to long ago.

"So Palmer, you know where your partner is?" Stanley scratched his head, hoping they were both partners and friends.

"Sorry Cap, Gage is kinda closed mouth what he does on his off time," Palmer looked at the station garage floor.

"Well I'll give him an hour and then call in a replacement; he maybe stuck in traffic or something." Stanley gave the duty assignments and then went to his office.

*****

Fireman/Paramedic John Gage squinted up at the sun and put his good arm to shade his eyes. His short black hair was bloodied and matted to his head and his whole body ached. He clutched tightly to his ruck sack and used his good arm to take out his canteen. So far his first aid kit didn't help him much. One minute he was hiking a perfectly good trail and the next minute he had rolled down, injured and stuck in a ravine. He had tried to sit up right after he fell only he found himself unconscious and looking up at the night sky

He could hear traffic in the background, birds chirping, the rustle of the wind through the trees and looking up another smog filled day in LA. But so far down the ravine, he doubted they would find his bones after a couple of years. His problem was he knew the trail too well; he had come here to think and think hard. Not being invited to the party hurt him more than he was willing to admit.

"Another accident waiting to happen," Gage sighed. That's what his former partner and friend called him among other things. He had taken his ABC's after first rolling down the hill but in his heart he knew he would die alone. No one knew or cared where he was, hell, no one would miss him. He was just another dumb Indian.

Taking another drink of water, he closed his eyes and tried to get some sleep.

****

Sitting in his office Stanley looked at the clock, picked up the phone and dialed a number on a hunch since so far no one had heard from Gage. The captain heard the rings and then someone picked up.

"Desoto residence," Roy said into the phone, wondering why someone would call this late, after nine p.m.

"Roy, this is Cap'n Stanley," he inhaled.

"Cap'n what do I owe the pleasure?"Roy hadn't heard from his former Cap'n since the party a week ago. "How are you?"

"I'm fine Roy. The reason I called is I'm wondering…wondering if you've heard from John Gage lately." Stanley hoped against hope.

Roy shook his head, "No I haven't why are you asking?" Desoto didn't like what Stanley was implying.

"Well," Stanley bounced a pencil on his desk and stared at the clock, "Gage didn't report for shift this morning. It's just not like him."

"Johnny? Maybe he found a new hobby Cap or maybe a new woman and forgot. Gage could always cut it pretty close. Besides I'm sure he'll show up with some wild story," Desoto said with a bite and a snort.

"No Roy not anymore he isn't, "Stanley defended the missing firefighter, and "you wouldn't recognize him. Anyway, if you see him would you please have him call; we're awfully worried about him."

"Sure thing Cap, night," Roy hung up the phone and wondered what that was about. Gage was always marginal; he wondered why he recruited him in the first place. Now the new paramedics he was training were head and shoulders above John Gage. He would stake his life on it.

"Honey," Joanne Desoto looked at her husband. "Who was that?" His wife's brown eyes searched her husband's furrowed brow and frowning face.

"Just Cap's Stanley looking for Gage. He didn't report to shift this morning. They thought I might know where he was," Desoto shrugged and hugged his wife. "C'mon honey it's late. Let's get to bed."

Joanne stopped him. "Roy, Johnny wasn't at our party last week. I meant to ask you why. As a matter of fact I don't think we've seen Johnny since you got your new position."

"He was busy Joanne. When isn't he busy? Picking up some new hobby or woman? Don't worry Gage will show up with some wild story," Roy yawned and guided his wife to their bedroom.

**********

John looked up at the night sky. Night had been his favorite time on the reservation. He looked up at the night sky and remembered his grandfather pointing out the stars and telling stories of his people. If he got out alive he would be making more changes, his former partner had moved on so maybe it was time he did. There was nothing holding him here to LA, besides LA had lost its charm long ago. Taking another slow sip of water and clutching tightly to his rucksack he prayed to the great God to be rescued.


	2. Chapter 2

What are Friends For? 2

Word spread like wildfire about the missing John Gage. As squads and crews went out, eyes were pealed for Gage's range rover. Deputy Sheriff Vince Gamble was also looking for Gage's vehicle. He considered him a very level headed and nice guy and hoped he would return with good news.

DeSoto also heard about his missing former partner, in the training classroom, it was all he heard as units checked in to see if Johnny had been located. However, Roy continued with his class knowing they would learn from being under pressure. Taking the lead the class went through the motions as another day progressed with Gage still missing.

Driving home from headquarters, Roy's thoughts turned to Gage's antics and hoped it wouldn't cost the firefighter his job. But then Gage never seemed to think things like that thoroughly and seemed to live in the moment.

*****

Sheriff Gamble was driving up around Griffith Park when he spotted Gage's car. Pulling up next to it, he got out of the squad and checked the interior of the car and finding nothing. He knew the paramedic liked to hike and Gamble knew there was a trail close by. On a hunch, he went down the rough, dusty trail about a half a mile and spotted what appeared to be a body at the bottom of the ravine. Practically running to his squad, he prayed it was a rescue and not a recovery as Gage had been missing three days that they knew of.

****

Station 35 received the call of a man down in the park. Both the paramedics and unit were used to such calls and quickly made their way to the trail entrance. Gamble waved them down and showed him where he had found the body.

"It maybe John Gage," Gamble sighed, his hands on hips, "It's his car out in the parking lot. Follow me."

The paramedics and their unit followed with stokes, drug box and other equipment.

"Cap," Dwyer looked at his superior. "We're going to need to airlift him out if he's alive. I'd suggest we have a chopper on standby."

"Sure thing Dwyer," Wharton nodded. "Check him first and then I'll call it in."

"Okay we're going to have to repel down and check on the vic," Both Dwyer and his partner, Williams, geared up and headed down the steep, rough hill.

On reaching they checked the pulse of the victim, luckily there was a pulse thread but strong.

Using the HT, Dwyer called for the helicopter as they used the stokes to bring Gage up.

Calling into Rampart, the paramedics knew Johnny was lucky to be alive. Besides a concussion, he had some broken ribs and a broken ankle; the doctors would do a more through exam once he made it back to the hospital. Putting two IV's into Gage's bruised arm the men exchanged worried glances.

"Better tell Rampart whose coming Dwyer," Cap looked at the injured paramedic. "They been asking about him too."

The heli landed, the paramedics carried Gage into the interior. Dwyer left with Gage and Williams drove the squad back to Rampart.

Before the day was through word had spread Gage had been found alive and in serious condition. Roy knew it was another one of Gage's famous accidents and paid it no mind. He was training the paramedics of the future.

****

John thought he was floating and the Great Spirit was finally calling him home, he hurt all over and he thought he heard concerned voices. But it was just delirium, being a paramedic he knew. He was dehydrated, had broken ribs, ankle and too many bruises, contusions and cuts to take count of. But he felt nice and warm; he hadn't felt warm in days.

"All right," Dr. Kelly Bracket looked at his injured friend. "I want a skull series, chest and leg x-ray. He's almost done with this IV, give him another and keep him covered."

Nurse McCall and Dr. Joe Early also helped with Gage as he slowly became conscious.

"Hey doc," Johnny tried to wipe the cobwebs out of his brain. "Guess I made it after all." Then passed out again.


	3. Chapter 3

What are friends for? 3

Captain Stanly looked at his injured paramedic.

John had his good arm behind him, as he sat up with multiple pillows behind him, he still had an IV and his injured ankle was in a cast and uncovered.

"I'm really sorry, Cap," a downcast Gage looked at his superior. "Of all the dumb, stupid things to do is fall down that damn hill. I swear I must have hiked that trail a million times," the paramedic chastised himself. "I swear Cap it won't happen again. Here I am taking the bed of someone who could really use it. I promise I'll take another less dangerous hobby, how about stamp collecting? The worse I could get is a paper cut, right?" He smiled at Stanley.

"Johnny that's why there called accidents. It wasn't your fault. We're just thankful you're alive," Stanley tried to reassure the worried young man.

"But Cap I heard they rolled a unit and medivaced me out. Why someone else could have used that helicopter instead of me. I'm not that important Cap. They should have just rolled me in," John shook his head, worried about all the expense and wasted effort spend on him.

"Johnny, in case you forgotten you were in the ICU a few days ago. Now you're in a regular room, will you just take it easy and get better huh?" Hank was losing his patience with this contrite and heavy hearted man.

"All right, it's just I'm really sorry. Now you'll need a replacement," Gage shook his head again. "All my damn stupid fault."

"Johnny relax that's an order. I'll see you later okay?" the Captain squeezed John's shoulder.

"All right Cap. Like I said it won't happen again," Johnny pushed himself deeper into his pillows, still upset of his current condition.

Stanley walked out of Gage's room to find Dr. Brackett and Nurse Dixie McCall outside his paramedic's hospital room door.

"Hey doc. How's the patient?" Stanley turned back to the closed door.

"Oh you mean the perfectly well behaved contrite man in there?" Kelly looked at the door. "He's the best patient we have. NO complaints, takes his meds and…."

"Doesn't even chase after the nurses," Dixie sighed. "Did he mature and we didn't see it?" Her shoulders slumped.

"You noticed too," Stanley shook his head.

Roy DeSoto had decided to pay his former partner a visit only stopped in the hallway as he heard Stanley, Brackett and McCall talking.

"Yes, fella in there can't even share a cup of coffee or a story," McCall frowned and looked at Brackett. "Just gets supplies and then leaves. I have to read about his rescues in the papers."

"Yes, he's all business in the examination room too. Just the facts, no patient involvement, man doesn't even crack a joke," Brackett agreed with Dixie.

Hank sighed. "Yeah it's kinda dull in the station too. Seems the phantom look a long vacation. Johnny got hit a few times, didn't bat an eye. I'm always finding him buried in some medical book. No offence doc," the captain softened his comment.

"I hate to say this, but I'd sure like the old Johnny Gage back. Maybe just a little of it. I sure miss that big grin of his." Dixie remembered the carefree man. "The smile that melted women's hearts and his big grin."

"_Dr. Brackett to treatment one. Dr. Brackett to treatment one."_

"Well duty calls. Care to get back to work Nurse McCall?" Kelly smiled and took her arm.

"How could I refuse?" Dixie followed the doctor and Hank to the elevator.

DeSoto waited until they left and put his head against the cool, hospital wall. He knew exactly at what happened to John Gage, Roy DeSoto happened. Roy knew he was the last person on earth, Johnny would want to see. He headed back to the elevators and home.

Coming down the hall to the entrance Roy heard someone call his name and saw Dr. Joe Early approach him.

"Hi, doc," Roy waved at the physician.

"Roy you know the only time we see you when you bring down a bunch of new trainees," Early smiled.

"Yeah, I do it every thirteen weeks," Roy tried to smile unsuccessfully, all ready starting to feel bad about Johnny.

"Have you seen Johnny, yet?" Early placed his hand on DeSoto's shoulder.

"Actually doc I was just…"

"_Paging Dr. Early. Paging Dr. Early."_

"Well duty calls. Don't make yourself a stranger," as Early headed towards the page.


	4. Chapter 4

Roy found himself gripping tightly to his steering wheel; his ears echoed his last shift with Gage.

"_You know how embarrassing it is to go chasing after you in the hospital, Johnny? It isn't dating game."_

"_And all your get rich schemes, why did you become a fire fighter in the first place?"_

"_But Roy!"_

"_Don't you get tired of cleaning latrines? Don't you have any self respect for your position?"_

"_But Roy!"_

The banging on his window brought him out of his misery.

"Hey DeSoto," Paramedic Jay Wheeler looked at the distraught man.

"Hey," Roy waved weakly.

"You see Gage yet? Man leave it to him," the young paramedic shook his head.

"Well not exactly," DeSoto tried to explain.

"Got to jet, don't make yourself a stranger at the station," Wheeler waved and disappeared into the parking lot.

Driving home, DeSoto reflected he hadn't been much of a role model, Johnny was an excellent paramedic, and he had sold him short. Coming in the house he washed his hands and went to dinner.

Distracted he ate his dinner his daughter called twice before getting his attention.

"Daddy is Uncle Johnny going to be okay?"Blue eyes stared at him.

"Yeah, sure Johnny's tough and…."

"But Daddy we haven't seen Uncle Johnny since you took your new job. Did you and Uncle Johnny have a fight?" Innocence eyes pierced him in the heart.

"No honey, we…we didn't have a fight. Uncle Johnny is just busy, just like Daddy. Now eat your supper," the sandy haired man returned to his dinner as he pushed his food around his plate.

After dinner, DeSoto sat outside on the patio looking at the stars. Arms wrapped around him and hugged tightly.

"Cheryl has a point Roy. When was the last time we saw Johnny?" Joanne's question made him feel guiltier.

"Like I told Cheryl we've been busy. Getting the program ready and you know Johnny likes to work OT."

"All right Roy. But I think we all miss him. You tell him so," kissing his forehead she went inside leaving him in the darkness.

******

Gage was once again an hour before his shift. He had started coffee and got two dozen donuts for the shift. He could imagine the things Chet was going to say about his accident but he knew if Kelly's mouth was filled with food he wouldn't be likely to make some smart ass remark.

"Well I see your recovery was 100%, "Stanley came in to see his spit and polish paramedic.

"No, and I mean it Cap about getting a safer hobby. I was checking up on stamp collecting, it can be pretty lucrative and …" Gage smiled as the rest of the crew came in.

Hank smiled inwardly at the slightest hint of the old Gage and making money.

"Johnny just stick with what you know all right?" Stanley patted him on the back. "Roll call in five." The Captain went to the garage.

The crew followed shortly and another shift of Station 51 began.


	5. Chapter 5

Gage had been back to work almost two months since his little hiking accident; however the headaches he first experienced after his concussion refused to go away. He had taken to carrying aspirin in his pocket and tried to slyly take them. John refused to go down. For now he would tolerate the background pounding behind his eyes and temple. Being a paramedic came first and foremost and DeSoto wouldn't win.

****

Roy looked at the list of the recent graduates from the paramedic program. He was in his office, the ceremony would be the next day and the newly minted men would be assigned to their training station.

Station 51 would always go into the rotation however; one team in particular had never gotten a trainee since he had joined the program. Scratching his head, he couldn't believe he had been with the newly revised program for almost six months. Six months of training dedicated men and women who knew their care would mean life or death to their patients and victims. Then he thought of Johnny, his silence at his going away party at the station and his silence in all things.

DeSoto was aware of the scuttlebutt regarding Gage and Palmer's team and their lack of any trainees. But Johnny had never made a complaint or contributed to any rumors floating around the firefighting community. He knew Gage's record whenever he had taken his new set of students through Rampart. Dixie, Brackett and all the rest had nothing but complements for the highly regarded paramedic team.

Looking at the list of the new minted trainees, Roy assigned a Matt Bradley to Station 51 A shift. Signing the list it was ready for submittal to the Chief.

***

Gage's headache wasn't so bad after all as Stanley had called him into the office after roll call and asked him to shut the door behind him. Johnny thought nothing of it as he and the Cap had become friends since DeSoto had left.

"Take a seat Johnny," Hank pointed to a chair as he sat on the edge of the desk.

"Think I'm goin to need it," Gage smiled wondering what was so dire he would need to sit down. Seeing the consternation on his superior's face he sat down crossing his legs and waited.

"Um, you and Palmer are going to get a trainee next shift, guy by the name of Matt Bradley," Stanley smiled as the paramedic's mouth dropped open.

"Gage, better close your mouth before you attract flies," Stanley stood up and walked over to the shocked man.

"You sure you read that right Cap? I can't remember the last time we had a trainee," Gage stood up as he felt the blood rush to his pounding head and coughed.

"You okay there Gage? Do I need to get your partner?" Stanley was worried as the dark haired man swayed.

"No, I'm fine Cap. Don't you worry we'll take care of him real good. Next shift you said?" Johnny rubbed his fingers over his chin.

****

Matt Bradley had been a firefighter for three years before deciding to become a paramedic. He had heard the program was tough, but he sometimes felt useless when someone was hurt. The doctors and paramedic instructor emphasized patient and victim care above all else, he had also been told stories of how rescues made a difference on life and death. One paramedic's name kept popping up in DeSoto's examples and on how to be a good paramedic and now he was lucky enough to train with them.

Standing at roll call he smiled broadly at Gage and Palmer. Once duties were assigned, Gage went over the squad and procedures with the new trainee.

"Well I'm glad with the best," Matt kept looking at Gage.

"Who said that?" Gage looked at the new trainee.

"Why my paramedic instructor, why?" Bradley looked as Gage's features changed.

"You are talking about Roy DeSoto, aren't you?" Johnny hands went straight to his hips and his nose flared.

"Yeah who else would I be talking about?" Matt was suddenly concerned why Gage had gotten defensive.

"You mean Roy DeSoto, don't you? Defender and paramedic extraordinaire?" the paramedic rocked on his heels. His hand shot up to the point to the ceiling. "DeSoto huh. He actually said that about me?" Johnny shook his head and then calmed down. "Well let me tell you something Bradley, you're in my classroom now and you just listen to me and you'll do just fine. Got it?" Johnny's eyes bore into Bradley's.

"Yeah I got it Gage," Bradley wondered if he had just made a mistake being assigned to this team.


	6. Chapter 6

Andy Palmer cringed inwardly as his partner; John Gage made another crack about Roy DeSoto. He could see their trainee was uncomfortable but the man said nothing. Since he had been Gage's partner, he had never seen him so vicious with his remarks, especially regarding Roy DeSoto. DeSoto was known in the department as the champion of the paramedic program and pushed hard to get funding and legislature backing, now here was his partner cracking jokes at DeSoto's expense. The young paramedic shook his head, wondering where the professional John Gage had gone to.

Pulling back into the garage, they were just in time for lunch. Bradley, in his defense made a quick exit, leaving the two paramedics together and Gage laughing at his own joke.

"Hey Johnny got a minute," the blonde eyed blue man called to his partner.

"You know Andy, I'm really hungry. Guess it's been hours since I had anything to eat," Gage turned to the day room but Palmer placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Gage we have to talk!" Andy whispered.

"All right. All right," Johnny reluctantly followed him into the back of the bay. "What?" The dark haired man shrugged, clueless to his partner's pain.

"Don't you think you're laying on it a bit thick about DeSoto?" Andy's eyes flared at the lack of decorum of his partner.

"Thick? Well now Andy if you remember I worked with the **guy**," Gage emphasized pointing a finger at Palmer's chest. "Are you afraid of him? Because I sure as hell am not."

"No, but you know Bradley was tau…" Palmer could swear he was seeing steam rise from Gage's head.

"Yeah well, DeSoto isn't God Palmer. IT's hard to believe but DeSoto's human like the rest of us. Just like I told Bradley all the screw ups DeSoto made and…"

"Well you just cool it at least, Gage? Christ, you're making us look bad. You want us to get another trainee don't you? You know what…" Palmer pleaded hoping to calm down his agitated partner.

"I could care less what anyone says about us Andy, hell look at all the citations and commendations we've gotten if that isn't proof then.."

"Gentlemen," Stanley interrupted their heated discussion. "Lunch is waiting and I like my shift to eat together."

"Sure thing Cap," the blond gave his best smile as the Hank escorted the men to lunch.

John ate quietly as the rest of the crew shared conversation. Chet, of course, held court, asking Bradley all sorts of personal questions. Matt answered them, albeit briefly, not sure how the other members of the crew felt about DeSoto. Everyone in the department knew this had been DeSoto's home station and knew about most of the shift crew too.

Bradley carefully sidestepped any questions about DeSoto then excused himself with having to study. Once dishes were done, Gage and Palmer resumed their conversation outside from prying eyes.

"All I'm saying Johnny is will just give the guy a chance," Palmer bounced a basketball hoping to cover their conversation about a sacred cow.

"Well let me tell you," John took the ball from Palmer and made a basket. "What you learn in the classroom is different than in the field. It isn't all sterile, controlled and nice in the real world." He tossed the ball to Andy.

Bouncing it a few times, Palmer looked at his conflicted partner. There had been many rumors floating around the department after DeSoto went back to the Paramedic program and he had to admit he was a bit nervous when he drawn Gage as his partner. No one really knew the truth since both parties had refused to talk.

"Don't you think we all know it Gage? We're not children," Andy hissed as he threw the ball and missed, Gage caught it easily.

"Well Juni..." John stopped, held the ball in his hands and closed his eyes. God he hurt, but he had learned to hide it well. Now he had let his precious guard down and he had shaken up his partner. _Damn. Stupid._ Taking deep breaths Gage found his center and pushed back all the pain, hurt and fear into his hiding place. Smiling he looked at the worried Palmer.

"You're right Andy. I have been riding the guy too hard. I'll lighten up," John gave the ball back to Andy. "I…I got some shoes to shine. See ya at dinner unless we get a call."

****

Bradley was worried about his evals after his six weeks with Squad 51, the first shift had unnerved him, but things returned to normal afterward finding the paramedic team all he had read about them.

Knocking on DeSoto's office door, he walked in finding Roy hunched over paperwork.

"Take a seat," the sandy haired man pointed to a chair in front of his desk, trying hard to hide his anticipation of hearing Bradley's reaction to Gage and Palmer.

"Thanks," Matt inhaled wondering if he was going to be placed.

"Well I have your evals right here," Roy picked up a folder with Bradley's name on it. "You did very well."

"Really?" Matt exhaled surprised at what he had heard.

"Was there a problem Matt?" Roy could see the slight fear etched on the new

paramedic's face. "Anything you want to talk about?" The older man could tell Bradley had been tense.

"No, it's just," the man clenched his hands together. "Well my first shift was really strange. I mean I had heard Gage was a nice guy but my first impression wasn't so hot." Bradley hoped DeSoto wouldn't inquire further since he really didn't want to embarrass Gage.

"Strange how?" Roy hunched further over his desk.

"OH, it's just Gage was making these weird remarks," Bradley smiled.

"Well Gage was always high strung," DeSoto explained having a slight idea what Johnny may have said seeing how uncomfortable his former student had become.

"Well after Palmer and the Cap talked to him he seemed to settle down. That's all. I guess it had been awhile since they had a trainee. Yeah, that was probably it," Matt sighed hoping Roy accepted his reasons.

"Yeah sometimes Johnny could get on a roll and you couldn't make him stop," Roy coughed and then pulled out the rest of Bradley's file. "Um you've been assigned to Station 56; you'll be partner with Banner. He's a good man."

"That's great Roy. So I made it, really?" Bradley stood up. "Well this call for a celebration. Could I buy you a drink?" The relieved man looked at his former instructor.

"No, you go ahead. I'm going home to my wife and kids," Roy smiled, shook Matt's hand and then Bradley left the office. The sandy haired man looked at all the uncompleted paperwork sitting on his desk. He would have new class of trainees and it would start all over again. Sighing heavily he wondered if the sacrifice was worth it.


	7. Chapter 7

Gage had wondered if they had passed DeSoto's test. Why else would they have gotten a trainee after all this time. He was sure his former partner was trying to carry out his threat; no it had been a promise. A very serious promise.

John was again shinning his shoes, not in the mood to be around the shift crew, not trusting himself to not react to Kelly's barbs.

The rest of the crew was in the day room drinking coffee and eating cookies.

"You should have been here when DeSoto was around," Chet waned, "now we had fun then. This place is a morgue now." The fireman pulled at his moustache and sighed.

"Well I happen to like morgues," Stanley looked up at Kelly from his book.

"I didn't mean it like that Cap, but you'd have to admit there was a lot more laughs," Chet dug himself out a little. "Right Marco?" The man looked for help.

"You know Cap he's right. Johnny, well, Johnny's changed. You see Andy, Johnny was always good for a laugh or two, especially after some of the rescues we've been on." Marco explained. "Johnny could always state the obvious and make it funny, you know."

Andy shrugged. "Well Gage isn't much of a talker." The paramedic stated. "I don't even know what he does with his time off."

"Believe me none of us does. Man, he used to tell us all the time, especially his dates. Is he dating any more Palmer?" Marco wondered about the lonesome paramedic.

"Hey, he doesn't even talk to the nurses at the hospital unless he has too. Tells me we're there to work not mess around," Palmer volunteered not sure whether to trust his shift mate's description of the serious paramedic partner he knew.

"I think that's enough gossip gentlemen," Stanley warned his crew, knowing Gage wouldn't like it. "Okay Chet fix lunch and I'll find Johnny." The Cap got up and headed towards the locker room.

"Hiya Johnny," Stanley sat on the bench next to the lockers.

"Hi Cap. Sorry I'm not good company now," John's head was pounding and his day's off he hadn't really gotten any sleep. He felt like he had been a vampire, but he couldn't lose being a paramedic, it was all he had left.

"That's all right Gage. The crew was just reminiscing I don't think you would of liked it. Johnny…"

The klaxons sounded ending their conversation.

****

Roy pulled into the driveway of his house and sat there for a few minutes. With his new position, he no longer worked shifts and was home every night for dinner. The only injury he could count on his new job was a paper cut and maybe ink stains. Off in the distance he heard sirens and wondered why type of call they were on. Shaking his head, he got out of the car and headed inside his house.

***

Gage couldn't wait to get home. He was behind on his inquiries, just to have it in his back pocket if the worse should happen. Sitting on his couch, he rubbed his hands over his tired eyes and began typing. He knew what the Cap was referring to when the guys were reminiscing, the old Johnny Gage. The worthless, unprofessional, undisciplined Johnny Gage. He had to change now his former friend was in a seat of power; he had to prove his worth and more.

However, he was getting frustrated, he had sent out dozen of letters and still hadn't gotten a response. His resume was impeccable, he had even taken other courses at the local college and still nothing. Pounding on the table, he took another sheet of paper, stuck it in the typewriter and composed another inquiry letter.

*****

Palmer looked at his partner and could tell he wasn't getting any sleep. John constantly rubbed at his eyes and sometimes appeared out of it. The adrenaline rush seemed to keep him going and then he was so lethargic afterward.

"Hey Johnny," Andy asked as they headed back to quarters leaving Rampart once again.

"Yeah Andy," Gage turned quickly from driving and then stared back at the road.

"You okay man? You look awfully beat. When was the last time you had a vacation?" Andy smiled hoping to evade the argument he saw on his partner's lips.

"Well Palmer the last vacation I had was when I went hiking," Gage shook his head still embarrassed by his dumb ass move. "I don't need any more. Besides Cap says we may get another trainee."

"Another one? Aren't they pushing it? I mean wasn't our last one two months ago?' Palmer shrugged.

"Be glad Andy, my boy. Means we're no longer on the hit list. No more nasty rumors floating around us. Those other paramedics can't hold a candle to us anyway. What are you worried about?" Gage shook his head didn't Palmer get it; "man don't you understand. We in like Flint now. About time the department recognized us for how good a team we are. Hey, there talking about the fireman games again. Huh, raise money for charity. How does that sound?"

"Just great Johnny just great," Andy sighed as his partner changed the subject again.

***

It was a routine call as Johnny shut the bay door on his hand.

"Oh man," Gage yelped as his partner rushed over.

"You okay Johnny?" a concerned Palmer looked at Gage's bloody right hand.

"I'm fine Andy. I just slammed my hand in the damn bay door," the dark haired paramedic opened one of the drug boxes to get gauze. "Do me a favor and wrap my hand, will ya?"

Stanley came over to see why Palmer and Gage were talking.

"Is there a problem?" Stanley could see pain and frustration in John's eyes.

"It's nothing Cap just got my hand in the door and…"

"Take him to Rampart!" Hank ordered not willing to take any chances.

"But Cap!" Johnny pleaded to deaf ears.

"All right, guess I'm driving buddy," Palmer helped Gage in the squad as they headed towards Rampart.

With each pump of the blood in Johnny's hand he felt his headache pound ten times as bad.


	8. Chapter 8

Johnny laid his head on the set and tried to will the pain away. He didn't need this, not another accident, not another mistake. Feeling the squad stop he opened his eyes to a blinding headache.

"You okay Johnny?" Palmer helped him out of the cab.

"I'm just fine Andy, that's why I'm going to the damn ER. Just get me in there so we can get the hell out okay," Gage said through clenched teeth as his partner walked him into the foyer.

"Hi there," Dixie looked at her two favorite paramedics.

"Hi Dix, got a doc available Johnny hurt his hand and…"

"I think she can see that Palmer. Just get me a doc okay," the dark haired paramedic hissed embarrassed at being there as a patient.

"Doctor Brackett's available," McCall smiled unnerved by Johnny's demeanor. "Go to treatment room two."

"Sure fine, thanks Dix," Andy quietly led his partner into room two and waited with him.

"Hey listen go get yourself a cup of coffee or something. It won't take long," Gage ordered still angry at himself.

"But Johnny shouldn't I..."

"I said I'll be fine now go," Gage pointed with his good hand and reluctantly the blond haired man left and watched as Cal Brackett headed into the treatment room.

"So I have a new patient," Brackett smiled and took off the gauze.

"It's nothing doc. I don't think it will need stitches but Cap insisted and…" Gage closed his eyes as it felt like his head was about to explode.

"Johnny? Johnny?" Cal was concerned as to what had just happened to his friend.

"Huh," the paramedic slowly opened his eyes to slits to find the lights hurting his eyes.

"What just happened?" Brackett pulled out his penlight to check Johnny's eyes.

"Nothing doc, just a headache. So will you fix my hand so I can get the hell out of here?" Johnny squirmed suddenly feeling threatened and in pain.

"Johnny how long have you had these headaches?" Brackett didn't like his patient's eyes reaction to light.

"Ever since I was a kid Doc. Okay will just fix my damn hand? I'm hungry and…" Gage's jaws clenched as he felt another wave of pain roll over his head.

"What about these ones?"Brackett nodded to the nurse who went to the phone and started making calls.

"I dunno. I guess after my hiking accident. Happy? Now will you just fix my damn…" John's eyes rolled to the back of his head and he collapsed in Brackett's arms.

"Nurse, I want the x-ray machine stat, get Dr. Early and call Dr. Neuman and get me another nurse Johnny's aspirating.

Within minutes, the treatment room was crowded as Johnny was breathing again and two concerned doctors looked at their fallen comrade.

Palmer watched in horror as a pale, unresponsive partner was wheeled out.

"Hey where's Johnny going?" Andy started to panic. "He just had a cut hand."

"Get him up to OR stat," Brackett yelled as Gage was wheeled towards the elevators.

"I don't understand he was here because he cut his hand." Andy slumped against the wall and wondered what the hell happened.

Dixie wandered over and helped Palmer to the waiting area.

"Johnny's going into surgery Andy. I don't know all the particulars take a seat and I'll let you know," Dixie tried to smile unsuccessfully.

Slumping in the waiting room chair, Palmer called into Stanley about his partner's unknown condition.

Somehow, Andy had a Styrofoam cup of coffee in his hand when his captain showed up.

"Any word on Gage?" Brown eyes met blue.

"Not a word Cap I swear Johnny didn't complain of anything. I swear."

Patting Palmer's shoulder he looked at the distraught paramedic. "It's okay Andy. Johnny's arm might be falling off and he wouldn't say anything." Hank walked over to the nurse's station.

"Hi Dix," Stanley tried to smile. "What happened?"

"Blood clot from his concussion. Near as we can figure he's had headaches since then but didn't say anything. Johnny's still in surgery. Best neurosurgeon with him," McCall barely smiled. "Maybe if he had come in sooner."

Sighing, Hank looked at the desk. "We have to go back to the station and on duty. Call us with updates okay?"

"Sure thing Cap. Johnny's strong. He'll make it," Dixie smiled again, her eyes misting.

"Yeah he is," smiling back Stanley picked up Palmer as they headed out of the hospital.

****

DeSoto came into his office an hour before his next trainee class. IT had been a glorious weekend and his family had gone up to the mountains for the weekend. There had been no phone, TV or otherwise modern conveniences at the cabin and he enjoyed the special time spent with his children. They were growing up before his very eyes.

Looking through his pink while you were out messages he stopped on the one from Station 51. The cap had said Gage was in the hospital; however it didn't surprise him, when Johnny in the hospital wasn't doing some stupid thing. He balled it up and threw it in the wastebasket and then went back over the handouts for his class.

Going into this classroom he heard a lot of unnecessary chatter.

"Will you just settle down," DeSoto slammed his book on the desk. "What is so important?"

Three of his students looked at each other than the one named Matthews spoke up.

"Didn't you hear about John Gage? He's in the hospital?" the man was confused by Roy's reaction.

"I happened to have the misfortune of being partnered with Gage. When isn't he in the hospital?" DeSoto tried to silence the class.

"With a blood clot to the brain?" Williams spoke up. "He's been in a coma since Saturday."

Roy felt the blood drain away from his face and hands helping him into his chair.

"A blood clot?" DeSoto blinked. "Coma? I…we…"

"What's this all about?" Dr. DeSilva came into the classroom.

"Um doc he just found out about Gage," Matthews sighed.

"All right, why don't you take a fifteen minute break?" DeSiliva watched as the men filed out.

The doctor walked to the back of the classroom, filled a glass of water and brought it over to DeSoto. "Drink."

Sipping slowly, Roy regained his composure. "We went up to the mountains. Is is bad?"

"I don't know the particulars but blood clots aren't good.


	9. Chapter 9

Roy sat in his office after training classes trying to get his head around Johnny's injuries. A blood clot and in a coma, he still couldn't believe it. Sure Gage had been in some scrapes but nothing like this. Being a firefighter you knew the risks when you took the job, or so he thought. Now he had a safe, secure job where his wife wouldn't have to worry about every morning being his last.

A knock on his door brought DeSoto out of his thoughts.

"Doc," Roy stood up, stretched and noticed it being dark outside.

"Feeling better Roy?" DeSilva had a concerned look on his face.

"Yeah, I'm just fine. Thinking of leaving," Roy walked to his door, shut and locked it as both men left the building.

"See you tomorrow Roy. I'm sure Gage will be okay," the doctor waved as he headed towards his car.

Roy got into his and found himself at Station 51, parking next to Gage's rover. Stepping out of his car he ran his hand lovingly over the hood and headed into the station house.

Looking around he found the Cap in his office and shut the door behind him.

"Hey Cap," Roy raised his hand.

"Roy!" Stanley stood up and shook hands. "Never ending paperwork."

Hank pointed to a chair and the paramedic took a seat.

Sitting on the edge of the desk, Stanley looked at his former comrade.

"You heard about Johnny?" Stanley frowned and spoke quietly.

"Who hasn't?" DeSoto smiled. "How…how is he doing?" Clutching his fingers together.

Hank shrugged, "as well as can be expected. Still in a coma."

"Oh, um.. I just don't understand it Cap. I mean you would've have known something. Gage always was complaining about something, you know," Roy still couldn't understand how no one knew John had been hurting.

Stanley stood up, paced the small office and looked at Gage's former partner. Sighing he sat back down again in the other chair in the room.

"Johnny changed after you moved up Roy. Why you wouldn't even recognize him."

Roy shook his head, his blue eyes confused as he rubbed his hands over his face.

"I don't understand Cap. He couldn't have changed that much," DeSoto frowned, his voice quiet.

"Oh yes he did Roy. Like he grew up, why did you know he's here an hour before shift even if he's worked OT? He's made coffee and brought donuts. He's taken some courses at the local college and his head's always buried in some medical book," Hank said it in one breath hoping it wouldn't be Johnny epitaph.

The paramedic opened his mouth in shock. "You are talking about Johnny Gage right? The scheming, almost always late Gage?"

Hank nodded. "Yeah Roy. Johnny grew up."

Roy looked at his watch and stood up.

"Well Cap I have to go," and reached out his hand.

Cap shook his hand, looking at the tired man. "Well don't make yourself a stranger."

"Sure, Cap," Roy left the door open, headed out only to be met by his former shift mates.

"So Roy are you slumming?" Chet said with a smirk.

"Slumming?" Roy could feel his anger rise to his chest but pushed it down. "I've just been busy. You guys had time to come to my parties' right?" DeSoto countered to Kelly's uncalled for remark.

"Yeah," Marco looked at Kelly. "Lighten up huh. He's a feather in the cap of Station 51."

"Sorry," Chet looked at the floor. "It's just were all uptight about Johnny."

"It's all right Chet. I just heard myself. Well I have to go home. Nice seeing you guys," the sandy haired man waved only to be met by Mike Stoker.

"Mind if I walk you out to your car?" Mike smiled.

"Sure," Roy wondered what the engineer had to say.

Once outside at the parking lot, Stoker put his hand on DeSoto's shoulder, looked at Gage's Rover and then back at Roy.

"Listen Roy," Mike's eyes burned into Roy's blue. "Whatever you did to Johnny I hope he never forgives you. You're bad news to him. IF I were you," Mike pointed a finger into Roy's chest, "I wouldn't visit him in the hospital. You're just one big downer."

"Listen Mike you have no idea what happened between Johnny and I. HE was my partner," Roy defended himself against his former shift mate.

"Really Roy? Makes you wonder. Just stay away from Johnny," Stoker turned and left DeSoto stunned as he climbed into his car and drove off.

Stoker made his way back into the bay, stood next to the passenger side of the squad and looked in, remembering DeSoto's last shift.

"_You know you work with a guy. You think you're friend, partners," Johnny's voice broke. "And then he screws you," Gage looked at Stoker._

"_Johnny!" Mike put his hand on Johnny's shoulder._

"_Well man it's not going to happen again. I'm not ever going to trust anyone Mike. You know why? Because you can't trust anyone. You think I would'a learned that on the reservation. But I guess I'm just a dumb Indian, right." Gage stared into the darkness._

"_NO you're not Johnny," Mike squeezed the paramedic's shoulder. "I'm proud to call you friend."_

_Johnny wiped at his eyes. "Let's eat I'm starving." The dark haired man opened the squad door, stepped out into the garage and seemed to transform in front of Stoker's eyes._

"Chow's on," Marco called.

"Be right there," Mike answered and followed the captain back into the day room.


	10. Chapter 10

Johnny Gage has always been a personable man; it's what helped him be a good paramedic. Even in a coma, shift mates, fellow paramedics and medical staff would pay him visits. They would check to make sure he was alive and wish him well.

Dr. Kel Brackett was in his office going over Gage's chart for the nth time wondering where he had missed Gage's blot clot. Rubbing his tired eyes, a quiet knock, a smile and dinner was placed in front of him.

"You know you're not doing you or Johnny obsessing over this," Dix looked at her worried lover.

"I don't know it's just….. why Johnny? Johnny is one of our best paramedics and he's lying up there due to my error. If I had caught it earlier," Kel savagely bit into a French fry.

"Kel, Johnny wasn't exactly a model patient. You heard Palmer; he had been eating aspirin for the last few months. Every time he was in here with a victim he could have said something to anyone of us," McCall tried to comfort the doubtful doctor. "And you know Johnny was never one to complain especially if it means he wouldn't be out in the field."

"Yes and that worries me Dix, he's more concerned about the people out there instead of himself. We all saw the changes Johnny made ever since..." Brackett took a drink of his coffee.

"Like I said maybe he grew up?" McCall smiled. "Besides Johnny's strong you said so yourself. He'll pull through."

"I hope so Dixie because I have a feeling if John Gage can't be a paramedic his life would be over." Brackett peered over his coffee cup trying not to think of it.

****

Roy was hunched over a dozen applications for paramedic training. It was late and he was tired. Anxious to go home he put the papers back in their respective folders and left his office.

Walking out to his car, he had heard the hushed tones in his office whenever John Gage was mentioned. So far there had been no change in the paramedic's condition and the usual give it time was said.

Not thinking DeSoto found himself at the hospital, almost parking in a squad spot he found himself a visitor stall. Climbing out of his car, he quietly made his way up to the I.C.U unit and found Johnny's room.

In the muted light, Roy heard the whoosh and beep of the machines keeping the dark haired man alive. DeSoto was shocked to see his former partner and friend, ashen faced, bandaged with multiple IV's.

"I heard they had to shave your head, Junior," Roy gripped tightly to the metal rail of the bed. "But I'm sure it won't stop you from going after the ladies."

DeSoto remembered what Stanley had said about the new John Gage. He yawned and then looked at Johnny again.

"Well it's late Junior, guess I'll drop by again and maybe next time you'll be awake. I never did like a quiet Johnny," DeSoto left the I.C.U. assured no one had seen him come in.

Dixie was on her way to check her favorite paramedic when she heard a familiar voice and quickly turned. She waited at the end of the all and watched as the hunched, worried and exhausted Roy DeSoto made his way out of the I.C.U.

"Well I'll be," she muttered under her breath. "You still care."


	11. Chapter 11

Andrew Palmer looked over at his temporary paramedic partner. Luckily he hadn't drawn Brice but there was something on his mind. Johnny was still in a coma and he had plan which had included his partner and friend.

Waiting until after dinner he approached the captain.

"Hey Cap can I talk to you in private?" Palmer said quietly.

"Sure," Stanley looked at the worried man. "Let's go into my office."

Palmer followed Hank into his office, shut the door behind him and then leaned on one of the desks. Stanley took a seat, crossed his legs, and steepled his fingers together.

"What's the problem?" Still unsure of what was going on. "Is Johnny's replacement giving you problems?"

"No, Cap nothing like that, except it does involve Johnny though," Andy looked at the floor and then at the older man. "You see I'm getting married and…"

"Congratulations!" Hank stood up and patted the worried man on the arm. "Why didn't you tell everyone?"

"Well you see, not everyone can come to the wedding, that's why I was taking those two weeks. For the wedding and honeymoon and stuff, well Cap you see Johnny was going to be one of my ushers and…"

"Slow down, Andy, take a deep breath," Stanley watched as the blond haired man breathed.

"Okay. I'm better. It's just," Palmer threw up his hands, "I don't know what to do, about Johnny I mean. He gave me the idea on how to propose to Eileen, she's my bride and now he's sick. I really don't want to ask anyone else. Do you think it would be okay if I asked someone else so late? I mean if Johnny were here I'd ask him," Andy sighed, worried and frustrated.

"I'm sure Johnny would understand Andy. He wouldn't hold a grudge if that's what you're thinking," Stanley said quietly and squeezed Palmer's shoulder. "Johnny would understand, believe me!"

Sighing, Andy looked at the captain. "Thanks Cap. I really appreciate that. I was just. Is Johnny still the same?" Andy was relieved his problem was solved and he could ask his other friend.

"Still the same I'm afraid. C'mon let's join the rest of the…"

The klaxons went off and their conversation ended.

*****

Johnny was tired of the darkness, warmth and pain. He tried to open his eyes, which felt like some powerful glue held them together. Moaning and moving, alarm bells triggered at the nurse's station.

Dr. Brackett was called and the nurse came into the semi-darkened room.

"Johnny. Johnny," Brackett said quietly knowing Gage was trying to breath on his own. "Please stop moving around and I'll take the airway out."

Gage heard a familiar, comforting voice and stopped moving. His throat was dry, ached and he couldn't breath on his own. Opening his eyes to slits all he saw was an indistinct face, white coat and friendly voice.

"Just give me a second," Brackett removed the pump, tape and then looked at his patient, "when I count to three I'm going to remove the airway. You have to help me."

Johnny gave a slight nod and then waited.

Taking his time, Kel pulled out the airway; Johnny coughed and began breathing on his own. Even he was amazed at the color change of the young man's face.

"Tired," Johnny closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

"Oh well, Johnny boy. Have to talk later and see if we have anything to worry about. Inform me when he's awake again nurse," Brackett hurried out of the ICU knowing there were a bunch of people who would be happy to know John Gage was conscious.

*****

In the halls of training the next day, word of John Gage's recovery quickly spread throughout the community. DeSoto had a hard time keeping his students focused until he told them it was imperative they paid attention as people's lives depended on it.

The men and women eventually quieted down and inwardly Roy was jumping for joy because if Johnny had died, he knew he would be lost.

Classes ended and once again Roy found himself in his office deluged with paperwork. At least if he was in the field he would have to fill out the log book and the supply forms. He had forgotten how much paperwork the fire department lived on. Hearing a siren off in the distance, he put his pen down and wondered why type of call it was. Sometimes he missed the field, helping people and all the dangers that went with it. The most exciting thing he had to worry about was a paper cut! Sighing again, he knew he was helping many more people training paramedics and knew his wife slept better at night.


	12. Chapter 12

Johnny found getting himself well a tough road. Every chance it seemed he had been eating broth, juice, applesauce and water, along with still having his IV's in. But the good news was there didn't appear to be any brain damage. However, more than once his friends at the hospital chastised him for being so foolish with his health.

Andy Palmer made his way to see Johnny. His wedding was next Saturday and the doctors were doubtful Gage would be even out by then. Andy had all ready asked another friend to be an usher now he had to break the news to his partner.

"Hey Andy," Johnny gave a small wave at his partner.

"Hey Johnny, you sure look a lot better than the last time I saw you," the blond smiled and held tightly to the metal rail.

"Okay Andy, what's bothering you? I could see it the minute you walked through that door," Gage smiled and tried to comfort his friend.

"You know I'm getting married next Saturday and…"

"Damn it. I'm sorry Andy. Guess I'll be stuck here for awhile. Hope you got someone to replace me?" Gage could see the worry lines on Andy's face disappearing. "What you'd think I'd be mad or something?"

Andy shrugged.

"Hey I know it's my own damn fault. How many times did you tell me to have it checked out?" Johnny shook his head at his stupidity and pride.

Andy opened his mouth only to be stopped by Johnny's upraised hand.

"Okay I want to see all the pictures okay?" Johnny's smile released his friend's guilt.

"All right, he's had an enough visitors," Brackett came in and ushered his Andy away.

"So want to tell me what that was all about?" Kel looked at the grinning Gage.

"Why don't ya know doc? I'm never the bride only the bridesmaid," Johnny tried unsuccessfully to put his hands behind his head. "Ouch."

"That will teach you. I'm going to put a few more solid foods on your menu Johnny. Help to build up your strength, maybe finally take out those IV's and get to a regular room." Brackett made a notation on Gage's chart, and then flipped the cover back down.

"Oh you mean hamburgers don't ya doc?" Johnny smirked.

"NO and if you tried you'd be a very sick man and don't even try having someone sneak it in. Because my friend you are going to be here a very long time," Kel knocked on the bed's frame.

"But what about my plants doc?" Johnny grinned.

"Plants what plants?" Kel recognized being had. "Never mind Johnny you're going to be staying for a while. Now get some sleep."

"Yes doc. I'm tired of sleeping but I will," the paramedic closed his eyes and was once again fast asleep.

****

The routine of training relieved Roy of having to think about Johnny or the fact he hadn't seen or talked to him for six months. He had been evasive with Joanne, his wife, on why they had seen little for DeSoto's former paramedic partner.

But time was running out and eventually he would have to see Gage. He knew Johnny deserved that much as their argument was as much his fault as Johnny's. That fateful day still remained burned in his memory.

_Johnny came into the day room where Marco, Chet, Mike, Hank and Roy sat. The tension was so thick you would have needed a chain saw to cut it. Gage had carefully hid his anger for the beginning of the day but now it was out in the open. Taking a seat on the opposite end of the table, the rest of the shift made a hasty retreat._

"_Johnny," Roy said to his partner and continued to read the paper._

"_Roy," Johnny finger's drummed on the table. Dinner was cooking, but tonight he didn't have an appetite. Sighing the dark haired paramedic let the silence settle over the room. In the background he could hear the men in the bay working on the engine, but they were out of harm's way._

"_Hey, Johnny," Roy suddenly seemed very attentive to his partner. "There's been something I've been meaning to tell you."_

"_Yeah, like what?" Johnny tried to keep his voice low and knew exactly what Roy was going to tell him. Hell, the whole station knew, probably the whole freakin department but his partner was the last to know._

"_Um, I've been offered a promotion of sorts. I....well you know I've been a big supporter of the paramedic program…" Roy found his throat dry and his words hollow._

"_Yeah, so. You recruited me," Gage stated for effect seeing his partner grimace, as if in pain._

"_Yeah, will about that. They revamped the program and the thing Johnny…will I thought it over and….I'm…."_

"_Ya got something to say Roy. Just say it. I can take it," Johnny tried to smile, making his mouth hurt._

"_Well," Roy stood up, "I'm going to be one of the paramedic administrators and training instructor. Seeing I was with the program from the start, they offered it to me and…." Roy waited for the explosion._

_Johnny felt numb, oh how he wanted to be angry but couldn't. _

"_Congratulations partner," Johnny stood up, walked over to his now former partner and patted Roy on the back. "I'm sure Joanne's really happy since you'll be keeping banker's hours."_

_Roy stood stunned and hurt at the banker's hours remarks. He had nothing to be ashamed of; he had worked hard as a paramedic._

"_Well let me tell you I'll be helping a lot more people with training more paramedics. We sorely need them you know," Roy found himself defending himself._

"_Hey pally you're preaching to the choir. I'd better get the guys in before dinner burns, huh?" Johnny made a hasty escape._

_However, dinner seemed normal but Johnny had quickly disappeared after dinner claiming he needed shoes to be shined._

A knock on his door, Roy looked up at DeSilva.

"Yeah doc," Roy stood up.

"Don't you ever go home?" DeSilva laughed.

"Yeah I was on my way home," DeSoto turned off the light off his desk.

"Well I'm sure you were glad to hear about John Gage weren't you?" DeSilva and he walked down the hall, out of the building.

"Yeah of course I was," DeSoto tried to sound sincere.

"I heard you and Gage were a pretty good team. One of the best according to my colleagues," DeSilva's words seem to bring back old hurts.

"Well I only recruited the best doc. See you tomorrow," Roy was glad to get out of the conversation from the doctor. However he had no desire to see the conscious Gage and what he would say.


	13. Chapter 13

Johnny made slow progress but was finally able to transfer to a regular room. His shift mates and other paramedics visited him, helping him heal.

The dark haired man had just finished eating lunch when Hank came in.

"So how are you doing Johnny," the man had a paper sack sweating with grease.

"Oh, man is that what I think it is? A double double with fries?" Johnny's mouth salivated. He had been dying for a hamburger.

"Time for your therapy Mr. Gage," a pretty therapist came in with a wheelchair.

"Hum, In N Out. Sounds like I know where I'm going for dinner tonight," the brunette helped into the wheelchair and waved to Hank.

'Ya know that's just not fair. Do you know how long it's been since I had ahamburger"Johnny sighed and put his hand under his chin.

"You'll just have to wait until you leave the hospital Mr. Gage besides they are waiting for you," the brunette smiled and wheeled Gage into physical therapy.

****

Roy was watching TV with his family and his thoughts turned to his former partner. So far the news had been good and there was talk he would be released in a few weeks. But he had a long hard road to recovery. Not only would Johnny have to be recertified on his paramedic duties but also as a firefighter.

DeSoto always wondered the tall, skinny guy got the strength to do the things he did. Whenever heavy lifting was involved he always felt Johnny was fighting for breath. Ignoring the thoughts in his head he went back to the TV program which he had suddenly lost interest in.

****

Johnny was one happy man; he had been in the hospital three weeks and was finally going home. He had settled down and bought a small ranch house on a 1/3 acre. Granted it wasn't much but he had never owned a piece of property before. The previous owners had taken good care of it, so he had very little maintenance to do. But he was sick of someone taking his BP, respiration and pulse and most defiantly hospital food. IN all the time he had been stuck at Rampart no one had obliged him with a hamburger, fries and shake. Always before he could count on Roy bringing in the forbidden fruit and he'd do the same for his partner. Shaking his head, he concentrated on waiting for the wheelchair to take him to freedom.

"Ready to go home Johnny?" Dixie smiled at him, noting he had put on weight, his color was better and his attitude better.

"Oh I was ready to go home," Gage looked at his watch, "about three weeks ago."

"Uh huh, well your car and driver are waiting," the nurse helped him into the wheelchair and put his small suitcase on his lap. "What about all these flowers?" The blond pointed out to the room filled with them.

"Give them to the patients who don't have any Dixie. I think I've seen enough to last a lifetime," Johnny wiped his hands over his eyes. "So can we leave all ready?"

Going down in the elevator, Johnny toyed that his car and driver would be Roy DeSoto; he knew it was a silly fantasy. He hadn't spoken to Roy since he had been transferred to his new position. But every once in awhile he thought of the good times he had once shared with his former partner.

"You okay Johnny," McCall could see the faraway look in those deep brown eyes.

"I'm fine Dixie. I just want to go home is all," Johnny gave a lopsided grin and the nurse stopped looking at him.

Wheeling him out of the entrance of Rampart his car was his Rover and driver was his newlywed partner Andy.

"Pally, am I glad to see you!" Johnny stood up.

"Wait a minute partner," Andy quickly got out of the car, opened the passenger side and helped him in. Throwing his suitcase in the back, there was a hint of food in the car.

"Ah sweet nectar," Johnny reached for the In N Out bag sitting on the passenger seat.

"Let's get you strapped in buddy," Palmer took the seat belt and made sure Johnny was secure. Andy's ring reflected the light and caught Gage off guard, reminding him of DeSoto, Joanne and the kids.

"God I miss 'em," Johnny inhaled the burger.

"Miss who?" Andy turned to his partner as he scarved down the once forbidden fruit.

"This," Gage pointed to the burger and fries. "This Andy. Food of the Gods."

"Oh, okay," the newlywed shrugged knowing Gage wasn't talking about the food, but let it slide by.

"So home James," Johnny laughed still enjoying his chocolate shake on the drive home.


	14. Chapter 14

Opening up the door, Johnny inhaled the sweet smell of home.

"You going to be okay buddy?" Andy helped the paramedic into his house.

"How can I not be okay Andy? I'm home. Man, home was never sweeter," Johnny plopped himself on his couch, surprised he was so tired.

"Well my wife is a few minutes behind me. You sure I can't get you anything buddy? I mean you're all alone here," Palmer looked at the large house and is tired partner. "We can stop by with some food or something, I mean after shift. All the guys were worried about you, you know." Andy said nervously unsure of what to say.

"I'll be fine, man," Johnny ran his hands over his bald head. "Now this well take some getting use too."

"Hey women dig bald men, look at Yul Brenner," Andy heard the honking of a horn. "Hey man I have to go." Taking the keys out of his jeans pocket he placed them on the coffee table. "Call me if you need anything partner. I mean!" The blond waved and the door shut behind him.

The bald headed man was tired, closing his eyes; he lifted his feet on his couch, pulled an Indian blanket over him and promptly fell asleep.

*****

Roy looked at his backyard, it was a never ending job, every shift off he swore he was mowing the damn grass. Pulling weeds, mulching, and the yard required extra effort and the only payback he got was backyard bar-b-ques. He had had one last week and found out John was out of the hospital and home. However, no one on his shift had heard much from him. Some were worried, but with Johnny staunch privacy they didn't want to intrude.

DeSoto had watched and listened from a distance because anytime he came near his former shift mates and Johnny's name came up, they clamed up tight. So much so he had developed some sort of complex.

Wiping the sweat from his brow, Roy rolled the lawnmower back into the garage and decided he needed to take a long over due drive. Waving good bye to his wife, the sandy haired paramedic pulled out an address from his glove box. He had cheated and looked at Johnny's personnel file to get his new address. It would be a fair drive but worth it.

Driving to Gage's house, Roy absentmindedly bounced his fingers on the steering wheel. Pulling up to the house it screamed John Gage, there were trees, a white fence and what seemed a sprawling front yard.

Knocking on the front door, Roy got no answer, sighing he headed to the fenced in backyard. Unhooking the latch of the gate, he walked to find Johnny asleep in a deck chair. Walking through the side yard, he found the garbage cans overflowing with pizza boxes. Not exactly a diet for champions and certainly not someone recovering from major surgery.

"Johnny," Roy lightly tapped Johnny on the shoulders.

"Huh! What?" Johnny rubbed his eyes and blinked hard twice not sure of whom he was seeing.

"Roy!" Gage stood up unsteadily and Roy held him on the forearm.

"Yeah it's me. Just wanted to check on how you were doing," DeSoto smiled hoping to ease Gage's mind.

"I'm doing fine," Johnny jerked his arm away from Roy and almost fell over. He opened the slider door and went inside his house.

Roy had no choice but to follow him in. The house was dark with a heavy musty smell. Johnny obviously didn't have the strength to take care of himself this time.

"Sit down before you fall down," Roy took Gage by the shoulders and plopped him down on the couch.

"Huh?! What do you think you're doing?" Johnny watched as Roy disappeared into his bedroom.

Roy found Johnny's duffle bag, started stuffing clothes in it. On the bedside table he found medical books galore. Thumbing threw them he took the paramedic manuals used for training.

"You're coming home with me Johnny. I don't want any arguments," Roy had a determined look on his face.

Gage had seen it too many times trying to save a victim.

"Why Roy? You don't owe me anything and I think I'm doing okay by myself," Johnny crossed his arms refusing to move.

"Okay Johnny, how about from one fire fighter to another, huh. I'm sure you'd do the same for me. Am I right?" DeSoto could see Gage wavering.

"Well I dunno. Hell Roy you're not playing fair," Johnny whined and protested.

"I have your house keys, a weeks worth of clothes and your study guides. Is there anything else you need? You didn't happen to have acquired a dog along the way?" Roy opened up the front door, put the items in the back seat and came back to get the injured paramedic.

Johnny knowing it was useless to argue let DeSoto help him into his car and head back to the DeSoto house. Truth be told he knew he was doing a terrible job of taking care of himself but Roy was the first to find out about it. Closing his eyes, he quickly fell asleep, leaning against the seat, drooling on his shirt.

Roy sighed and looked at his careworn former partner. Baby fine hair was coming in and he could see dark circles under his eyes. Whatever weight John had gained in the hospital wasn't to be found. A stead diet of cereal and pizza didn't make anyone healthy.

Pulling up the driveway to his house Roy wondered how Joanne, his wife would take having Johnny as a guest/patient in the house. All the time he knew Johnny, he had refused to have anyone care for him. Sure, it had been minor smoke inhalation, but he knew the Indian paramedic held onto a deep, dark past. Roy had only come to realize this now and maybe understood why he had considered him a nut at the time.

Helping his guest out of the car, Johnny forgot where he was for a second and then realized it was the DeSoto house. He had spent many an hour here feeling the warmth of family. Sighing he let Roy guide him up the small step, into the house and in the guest bedroom. Once in bed, Johnny found himself exhausted and snuggled under the covers, not even removing his slippers.

Going to his car, Roy removed the small duffle and the stack of books. Walking into the room, he found Johnny, once again, asleep. Placing the bag near the bed with the books on the nightstand, the sandy haired man quietly closed the door behind him and waited for his wife to come home with the kids.


	15. Chapter 15

Johnny felt strange in the guest room. He had been over at the DeSoto's for dinner and bar-b-ques, not for convalescing. Healing was done in private, out of watchful eyes of shift mates. Every time he had been hurt on the job, he had refused calls of help. Too much of a loner he preferred to nurse his wounds in private. His last hiking accident was an embarrassment, even though Chet, Marco, Mike and the Cap offered help he flatly refused.

Shaking his head, a few days before discharge, Cap offered the use of his home and the paramedic had flatly refused. All his visitors had freaked him out, not used to the outpouring of help offered. Alone on the reservation, no one cared except for yourself since other people were drowning in their own misery.

So he had turned down all offers of help as tactfully as he could. Roy had just caught him in a weak moment when he was feeling sorry for himself. Wonderful aromas drifted into his room and he knew Joanne was making something special. IT had started and he didn't like it one bit.

"Here you are Johnny," Joanne beamed as she brought the tray in. Not only was his plate full, there were bread, butter, coffee, milk and chocolate cake.

"Um, Joanne you didn't have to go to all this trouble and…" Johnny could feel himself blushing.

"Nonsense how else are you going to get well without nutritious meals. Let me know if you want more," Joanne left leaving Gage staring at the copious amount of food.

Johnny dug in and soon his tray and plate were clean. He suddenly felt very tired, snuggled further in his bed and was fast asleep.

He woke up hours later, with the house quiet, his tray removed with his lap and the night bed stand lamp turned low. Johnny found all his meds and a glass of water on the nightstand next to his study books. Closing his eyes again, he fell into a deep, restful sleep.

***

"Johnny's still asleep," Joanne warned her husband as he headed off to work.

Roy kissed her deeply after accepting Johnny as a houseguest without one complaint.

"Be careful," she waved to him.

"Be careful," Roy muttered. "Only thing to be careful about is the idiots on the road." He stopped as he heard a siren and knew the station had probably got their second or third call of the day. Sighing he climbed into his car and headed to the academy.

****

Lunch found Johnny again with several sandwiches, chips, carrot sticks, celery sticks, soup and milk.

"Joanne you didn't have to. I mean there's enough here to feed a shift," Gage shook his head.

"Like I said Johnny you need to put on some weight, doctor's orders. It was no trouble. You eat and I'll be back with dessert. Apple pie," Joanne left humming as she went about doing housework.

Not wanting to disappoint her, the paramedic ate everything on his plate and again went to sleep.

This was repeated for the next week as Johnny regained his strength. Both of the kids were able to visit Johnny after school as they studied in his room. However, Gage still needed assistance to the restroom, but was regaining his strength day by day.

****

Johnny figured he had been at the DeSoto household ten days. The house was quiet seeing everyone had gone to bed. Nature was calling, so he quietly made his way to the bathroom. Feeling better he was headed to his room when he heard some voices.

Down the hall was Roy and Joanne's room, the door was slightly open and a small streak of light was in hallway. He had heard his name mentioned a few times. Yes, it was time to go. He would have to think of a plan, but it shouldn't be a problem.

***

Roy came into Johnny's room before dinner.

"Hey Johnny," Roy stood his arms by his side.

"Hey Roy. I'm glad you came. Can we talk?" Johnny looked at his former partner.

"Sure. Sure we can talk," Roy was relieved hoping to finally get a dialogue going.

"Um, I will…have a few…issues," Gage looked as Roy's face fell.

"Uh, what issues?" DeSoto crossed his arms defensively, not liking where the conversation was going.

"Well for one thing," Johnny put his thumb and index around his mouth. "Could you tell Joanne to make me something other than tuna for lunch? I'm getting pretty tired of it."

"You are, are you?" Roy shook his head. "Anything else?"DeSoto's voice went up a notch.

"Yeah, your kids," Johnny saw he had hit his mark.

"What about my kids?" Roy's hands clenched and unclenched and his eyes flashed for a second.

"Well how am I supposed to get any better with them barging in all the time? I can't study either with their music. Could you talk to them please?" Johnny saw Roy was fuming but said nothing. He would be out of here in no time.

"Well I'll let them know. Anything else?"DeSoto couldn't believe Johnny. Here he had opened up his house and he was ranting.

"No, but I'll let you know," Johnny went back to his book.

"All right," Roy walked purposely out of the guest room, wondering if he should have punched his lights out.


	16. Chapter 16

Johnny had watched the subtle change of his host with his last comments. The next day Roy didn't appear after dinner like he usually did. He had also heard the loud complaints of the children of not visiting him. Gage was loath to admit how he had missed Roy's kids. They were well behaved children, not like some of the brats he had encountered. But it had to be done if he was to get out of the DeSoto household.

Another day went by when Joanne brought him in another loaded plate of food.

"Thanks Joanne. Any chance I could see Roy after dinner?" the paramedic gave his famous smile and he saw Joanne's eyes twinkle.

"Of course Johnny. I'll let him know," she quickly left with the door slightly open.

By six o'clock Roy was home and he could hear them talk. The kids were in their room since they had been forbidden to see him.

A quick knock found Roy at his bedside, arms crossed all ready.

"Johnny I gave careful consideration to your complaints. The children will do their homework in their rooms, but as to your diet."

"What Roy? I don't think I'm asking too much am I? How am I supposed to get well if I don't like what I eat? Huh?" Johnny challenged him.

"Oh really, the last time I looked you aren't exactly a gourmet," Roy countered.

"Look you'd be surprised how I changed. I'm not a wet behind the ears paramedic any more. I don't hang on your every word since you've left. In fact me and my partner have been written up in the papers and…"

"Enough Johnny you made your point Johnny but this is still my house the last time I checked," Roy was fuming behind those blue eyes.

"Yeah Roy I know. It's not like you'll let me forget it and all," Johnny found his comforter interesting. "I'll back off all right?"

"Yeah you do that. I have work to do," DeSoto left without saying anything.

Johnny frowned knowing it was just about time.

*****

Johnny watched as Joanne carried his suitcase. He felt bad, but he had to leave the DeSoto's before he ruined them.

"Johnny are you sure about this?" Joanne asked for the dozenth time.

"Yes Joanne. I think I can take care of myself now. I really appreciate all you did for me," Gage slid into the passenger side of the station wagon as Joanne put his bag in the back.

"Now Roy told me you moved. How come there wasn't a housewarming party? Isn't that what the guys do?" Joanne watched the traffic as the paramedic gave her directions to his house.

"I….I was too busy working Joanne. I guess I never got around to it," Johnny lied, knowing he had invited all the men at the station and it had been an all day party.

"Humm and I thought for sure you loved parties. Roy told me about the surprise party you planned for Dixie," she sounded hurt and distant.

"I know this area," her voice brightened up. "We have one stop before I take you home," Joanne pulled into a grocery store parking lot. "I'll bet you don't have a crumb of food at your place. It won't take me long."

Before Johnny could say anything, Joanne disappeared into the grocery store. It didn't seem long before she returned with a loaded shopping cart, stuffing three brown bags of groceries in the back.

They were off again and Johnny couldn't wait to get home.

*****

Roy ate his sandwich absentmindedly thinking about Johnny's comments. How could he be so trackless?

"Hello Roy," DeSilva came in, sat down front of Roy's desk and eyed his dour expression. "Something wrong?"

Putting his sandwich down on his desk he looked at his friend.

"Yes I have an ungrateful houseguest."

"Oh and who might that be?" DeSilva watched as the man's mood changed.

"John Gage that's who," Roy said with disgust. "He complains about everything. I mean what kind of guy would do that?"

"Oh," DeSilva stood up. "I'm not sure I heard you right. We are talking about Johnny  
Gage, the pride of Station 51 aren't we? See you later."

Roy watched as the doctor left and he went back to sandwich.

"Pride of Station 51?" DeSoto shook his head, then remembered the Cap said Johnny never complained about anything anymore and putting his sandwich down again he dialed home. He listened as the phone rang and rang and rang.

****

"Here you go Johnny," Joanne opened the door, her arms fully loaded with the groceries." Why don't you get settled while I put away the groceries, huh?"

"Sure Joanne," as Johnny walked to his bedroom he could see the house had been cleaned up. The trash had been emptied, the carpets vacuumed and in his bedroom, the sheets changed and the bathroom cleaned. He wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Johnny are you okay?" Joanne yelled out.

"Sure, I'm fine," Gage flushed the toilet and came out of the bedroom.

"Well everything is put away. Now if you need anything you call us all right?" Joanne looked at Johnny.

"I just want to say I appreciate everything you've done for me, Joanne and…"

"Nonsense that's what friends are for, Johnny," she gave him a quick hug and then was gone.

Hungry Johnny made himself a sandwich only to find it exhausting. He wasn't out of the woods yet and then saw the large stack of mail on his coffee table. Taking the phone from the end table he dialed a familiar number.

"Captain Stanley, Station 51."

The reassuring voice made Johnny sigh.

"Johnny is that you?" Stanley asked as the shift crew yelled their hellos.

"Yeah Cap, it's me all right. Can you talk?" Johnny sighed again.

Hearing silence then Cap's voice. "I'm taking this call in the other room."

Johnny heard Chet's voice.

"So Pal where did you disappear to?" Chet's always irritating voice made Johnny laugh.

"What so funny?" Chet's voice rose.

"You can hang up now Chet," Stanley ordered and the click of the phone could be heard.

"Johnny what's wrong?" Hank could hear Johnny's fading voice.

"Ya know that offer of help?"

"Yeah." Hank suddenly grew concerned about his paramedic.

"Is it still good?" Johnny wiped the tears from his eyes hoping it wasn't coming through the phone.

"Of course it's still good son. What do you need?"

"Everything Cap. Everything," Johnny sat back on the couch, his mind, body and soul set at ease.


	17. Chapter 17

By the time Roy returned home Joanne had called him about taking Johnny home. DeSoto was furious with himself in not seeing through Gage. He had heard the doctor right about the pride of Station 51. Johnny had changed only he had been too blinded to see it. Cleaning up his house he found more medical books than he thought was in Rampart.

All of Gage's things had places and even DeSoto had become impressed. However, with Johnny now home, it would be useless to see him. Word had quickly spread Station 51 was taking care of their own, meaning all three shifts and all the families had been alerted. Roy knew he wouldn't be able to get near Johnny now.

*****

Within the week Johnny was uplifted by all the men of Station 51. Along with Chet, Cap, Marco and Mike and all the rest of the station. Food appeared weekly; people took him to the doctor and helped him study. Drawing strength from his friends, Gage was growing stronger in both mind and sprit, putting Roy DeSoto back in his minds.

After two long months, Johnny was finally given the okay to improve his physical health. He stated slowly running around his block a few times. Quickly bored he wound up at the college track a few blocks away. He had been secure enough to drive.

***********

Roy sat in his backyard after dinner. Off in the distance he heard the sirens and more often than not he wish he had been on the call. Being a man of action, he had grown tired of the politics at the academy. At least out in the field you could see your results and it was black and white. Save the victim and put out the fire.

He nursed his beer for a little while longer and headed inside the house to watch TV.

*****

Johnny paced nervously in his house and thought of he had just done. A knock on his door brought in Chester B. loaded down with food.

"Hey Johnny. Hey man what's wrong?" Chet put the food in the fridge and then pulled out two beers. "Have one."

The paramedic took it gratefully.

"You know Chet I can't believe I did it," Gage shook his head, his hair now almost fully grown out. It was short and clung to his head.

"What did you do Johnny? C'mon it can't be that bad," Chet sucked on his beer.

"I'm going on a date Chet, that's what," Johnny frowned and his jaw clenched.

"What? I thought you took a vow of celibacy pal," Chet laughed at his own joke.

"Very funny Chet. I could say the same about you," Gage countered knowing track record.

"I'll right Johnny. I take it back. Anyway have a good time. I have to go. Oh and thanks for the beer," Chet waved and left Gage alone with his thoughts.

'You weren't any help!" Johnny yelled after him.

***

"Roy is everything okay/" Joanne leaned on his husband's chest in bed.

Looking up at his wife, he cherished her, would she understand why he had made a sacrifice for his family. He knew how families had suffered after their husband had died from a fire or other work related accident. Joanne had attended too many funerals from fallen comrades. It had been the catalyst for him taking this promotion.

"Honey, everything is just fine. It's just I…I have a lot more paperwork than I imagined," Roy thoughtfully explained to his wife. "I'll be okay."

"All right," Joanne kissed her husband hard on the mouth and then got comfortable in bed.

****

Driving to Rampart, Johnny felt better knowing he was on his way to recovery. His date had been a disaster and he owed the kids in orthopedics a big apology. Thankfully with his friends help and long term disability, Gage wasn't hurting financially.

Parking in a visitor spot he would first head up to the fourth floor and then see Brackett about getting recertified as a paramedic. Whistling he waved to the emergency staff as he waited for the elevator.

"Hi Johnny," Nurse Angela Lopez looked at her missing friend.

"Hey Angela," Johnny immediately felt guilty. "Don't say anything okay. I'm sorry about Saturday and I promise it won't happen again. At least until I go back to duty."

"The kids really missed you Johnny," Lopez took his arm and guided him down the ward.

"I know. I know. So I plan on bringing popcorn next time or maybe Cracker Jack and..."

"You should no better than to bribe these kids Johnny. They'll see right through it. They just want to see you. So why weren't you here?" She cornered John at the nurse's station.

'You don't want to know Angela, believe me." Johnny looked down the hall.

"Oh no you don't Johnny," she stopped him.

"All right Angela. I'm swearing off women all right. Satisfied?" Johnny worked his way from Angela's grip.

"Even me and Dixie?" Angela smiled and giggled.

"No, you're different," Johnny started to explain.

"Different? The last time I looked I was a woman."

"Yeah immune to John Gage's charm no doubt. Now I have some kids to see," Johnny waved.


	18. Chapter 18

Johnny headed down to the ER after playing with the kids for about an hour. His mind was on both certifications. The paramedic couldn't believe he hadn't worked in almost four months. He was anxious to go back to work and save lives.

"Hey Doc," Gage found the doctor talking to Dixie. "Got a minute?"

Kel looked at Dixie. "Well looks like we don't have too many customers. Sure," Brackett waved to Dix and they headed to his office.

The paramedic closed the door behind him and sat in front of Brackett's desk.

"What's up Johnny?" Brackett smiled and looked at the healthy man.

"It's about my recerts Doc. When can I take the test?" Johnny tried to sit still.

"Johnny, "Kel leaned back in his chair, "I have no doubts you'll pass the exam. You were one of our best students and…"

"Well I haven't exactly been working now have I doc? It's been four months and I want to get back to work," Johnny leaned towards the doctor, the tension palpable.

"Johnny, like I said before you have nothing to worry about. You'll do fine." Brackett emphasized to the worried paramedic.

"Well that's easy for you to say," Gage stood up. "You have something to fall back on. Being a paramedic is all I got. You know I have my recerts for fireman in a few weeks."

"Johnny didn't you hear me last week? You put on at least 20 pounds and its all muscle. How many times a week do you work out?" Brackett again tried to reassure Johnny.

Johnny shrugged. "Four times a week. I run five times but Doc are you sure? Are you sure I'll pass everything?" His voice broke.

"Yes Johnny you'll pass. Believe me you'll pass. Now I know a certain nurse who's dying for pie and coffee," Brackett opened the door and pointed him towards Dixie.

******

Sitting on a barstool at his kitchen counter, Johnny was so engrossed in his medical book he didn't hear the banging on his front door. The door bell ringing a few times brought him out of his book and then he opened the door.

"Johnny, you scared the living daylights out of me," Andy was relieved. "I was ready to knock down the front door."

"Sorry, studying, my exam is next week. And who is this lovely lady? Aren't you going to introduce me?" Johnny winked at Andy's wife.

"Johnny, you know Glynnis," Andy blushed. "Oh I brought you some lasagna and garlic bread. My wife is the best cook," Palmer went into the kitchen and put everything in the overflowing fridge.

"Yes of course I know her," Johnny grinned. "So how far along are you?"

Glynnis now blushed. "How did you know?"

"Huh, I could see it in Andy's eyes. He's very protective of you and I'm a trained paramedic," Gage laughed.

"She's three months and doesn't listen to her doctor or her husband," Andy complained and looked pointedly at his pregnant and stubborn wife.

"Now, now lighten up Andy okay. Are you guys staying?" Johnny was getting lonely.

"Uh, no sorry Johnny, we're having dinner with my mother tonight. But the good news is you'll be back right?" Andy sounded hopeful.

"Well Brackett thinks my recerts will be a slam dunk," Johnny didn't sound so sure. "But I'll know in a few weeks. I take the paramedic test next week and then fireman cert the week after."

"You'll pass buddy. You'll pass. Anyway we have a long drive. Off to the valley," Andy and Glynnis both hugged him and quietly closed the door behind them.

Gage went back to his studying make sure to take copious notes and highlighting difficult passages in his books.

*****

Roy again looked at his mountain of paperwork and the evals from the last batch of paramedics. Reading over the reports DeSoto could just imagine some of the calls they had been on. He had two filling cabinets filled with reports, applications and evals. He needed some air and left his office.

Once outside he found the smokers and went to the other side of the building. It was there he saw Johnny's Rover. He had heard he was taking his certs for fireman and DeSilva hinted Gage had done well on his paramedic certs. Looking at his watch it was now four o'clock. Seeing a man in sweats head to the white car, Roy squinted at the man.

DeSoto couldn't believe it was Johnny. His black hair was military style; he was no longer that thin, ashen faced man he had seen in the hospital or when he had brought him home for two weeks. Roy hugged the wall hoping Johnny hadn't seen him.

Johnny was dam tired. All he wanted to do was go home, take a long hard shower, call for pizza and climb into bed. Wearing all the gear and the physical exertion wiped him out more than he wanted to admit. Part of it was the uncertainty if it was for nothing. If he had failed his paramedic certs he had no desire to become a smoke eater again.

Revving up the engine, Gage burned rubber and headed out of the academy's parking lot.

****

Johnny was overjoyed as he pulled into his old spot at the station. He had passed both certs with flying colors and his heart was much lighter. He had found he had to get some new uniforms as his old ones were too tight. But it didn't matter he was home, home.

Stopping at the donut shop they gave him an extra dozen donuts since they hadn't seen him. They told him they always enjoyed his quiet, shy demeanor and was glad to have him back as a customer.

Whistling he started coffee and sat the treats out on the day room table. Damn he was glad to be back.

****

Roy had come to a decision. It may not have been the right one, but he had talked to Joanne and he agreed. He needed a job he was happy and proud to be in. However, the Chief might have other ideas.


	19. Chapter 19

Johnny looked at his partner, Andy and knew something was bugging the man. But just like him he would only tell him when it was ready. But he was just glad to be working again. His first shift exhausted him and excited him. Sleeping at the station, eating with his shift mates made his day complete.

****

Roy knew he just couldn't walk in the Chiefs office and request a transfer to the field. He knew it had been a great honor to be chosen to teach. The paramedic would have to ask around for a list of possible replacements. Sighing he went back to his paperwork knowing it would be a long haul.

*****

Johnny had been back a month on the job and his partner had yet to give. He would have take drastic measures.

Driving back from a call, clearing his throat he quickly glanced at Andy.

"All right Andy, what the hell is the matter?" Gage's voice came out a lot stronger than he wanted.

"Huh," the clueless Palmer looked at Gage.

"Somethin's been on your mind ever since I came back. So give all ready." Gage's fingers tapped on the steering wheel waiting for a reply.

"It's nothing Johnny really. I'm just nervous about becoming a father. Losing mine when I was five I just wonder if I'll be a good one. Stupid, huh?" Palmer looked down at his hands.

"No, it's not stupid at all Andy. I'm sorry that I yelled at you. I mean…I'd be nervous too being a father. Don't worry about it okay?" Johnny tried to comfort his partner.

"All right Johnny. Thanks," Andy continued to stare out the window.

Gage knew his partner hadn't been telling him the whole truth, he'd give it another week and then he and his partner would have to have a long talk away from prying eyes.

*****

DeSoto was just getting plain frustrated. AT home he had made personal calls to fellow paramedics whom he thought could replace him. All of their answers had been a resounding no. In order to convince the chief he would need a list of likely candidates and going in with nothing wouldn't help his case. He would ask around some more before he made an appointment with the chief.

***

Before the end of the shift, Johnny had cornered Andy for breakfast, his treat. He was going to get to the bottom of this as it was straining their once healthy friendship.

"All right Pally follow me," Gage hopped into his Rover and made sure Andy followed him to his favorite breakfast spot. Pulling into the parking lot, Gage escorted Andy to his favorite table and waved for two coffees.

"Ah. Ah. Ah Andy, we eat first, then talk," the men ordered and waited for their meal.

Palmer played with the silverware stealing glances at the cool Gage.

Once breakfast was eaten, another cup of coffee poured and Johnny was determined to his partner spill his guts.

Andy played with the spoon in his coffee and then finally looked at Johnny.

"You know Johnny you're one of my friends and well….I'm glad I drew you as a partner and all…"

"Cut the crap Andy. What is going on?" Gage demanded.

"Well you know about Glynnis and the baby and well…both of our mothers live in the valley and me, being a paramedic I keep odd hours and…."

Johnny felt his heart go to throat. He knew how close both Glynnis and Andy had been to their mothers. Both of their fathers had died when they were young.

"Andy, your family's the most important thing in the world. You have to do what's best for them," Johnny felt his voice breaking and then stopped talking. "I mean it."

"But Johnny what about you?" Andy was concerned about his partner's lacking social life.

"Hey it's me Andy. I can come see you can't I? You are transferring to the Valley aren't you?" Johnny said with resignation.

"Yeah, guess I have to. We haven't found a place yet and Cap said it would take a good month for the transfer to go through. I really appreciate this Johnny. I thought for sure you'd make me feel guilty or something," Andy laughed.

"Hey friends don't do that to friends. Anyway, I'm sure Glynnis is getting worried. Go home!" the paramedic ordered. "I'm picking up the tab."

Andy was grinning ear to ear. "Thanks again Johnny. Really. See ya," Palmer did a quick wave leaving Johnny at the empty table.


	20. Chapter 20

Roy was ready and had made an appointment with the chief. That was the easy part; the hard part was talking to him. He had been in the Chief's well appointment office before. There was a heavy oak desk, bookcases and it was filled with all things fire related. Along with the phone, there was a radio and awards and photos on the walls.

"Roy, come on in," Chief Randall pointed to a seat. "Coffee?"

"Uh, no sir," DeSoto held tightly onto his folder holding his replacements he hoped.

"How are things going with the program?" Randall leaned back in his large office chair.

"Well sir, um, that's what I wanted to talk about," Roy could feel his palms sweating.

"About what Roy," Randall seemed concerned since DeSoto had been an excellent paramedic.

"Um, well sir. You know how you think you're doing the best for your family. I mean making sure they are going to be taken care of and don't have any worries when you leave home everyday," Roy had rehearsed it in his mind, now it didn't sound so great.

"Yes, I think I do Roy," Randall clasped his hands and put them on his desk.

"Well, um, later on you find out it wasn't the right decision and your whole family knows your miserable and well you change your mind. If you know what I mean, sir," Roy cleared his throat finding it as dry as a desert.

"Are you asking me or telling me Roy?" the Chief had a feeling where his prized paramedic was taking this conversation.

"Well sir, I'm not…well I know it was a great honor to be chosen as a paramedic instructor and well I thought I would enjoy, but the truth is sir. I really want to go back into the field. Before you say anything I have a list of candidates who could take my position. I took the liberty of talking to them and they would be more than willing to step up," DeSoto placed the folder on the chief's desk, no longer a weight in his hands.

Randall picked it up, opened it and looked at the list of names. "I'm really impressed Roy. You are serious about this, then?" He frowned.

"Yes sir. I'll take any station sir. I just have to go back into the field. IT's where I belong sir." Roy sat back in his chair and waited.

Randall closed the folder, put it back on his desk and then looked at the paramedic.

"I understand Roy. I think we chose you since you always seemed to be so proud of the program. It's grown with the new funding and we have more paramedics out there. I'm going to be sorry to lose you, but if you feel you have to go back. I won't stand in your way," Randall stood up and shook Roy's hand. "It may take awhile and you will have to train your replacement."

Roy was beaming. "That won't be a problem sir. Not one bit."

"Then I'll keep you posted," Randall dismissed him.

For the rest of the day Roy just beamed, he was going back to where he belonged.

****

Word had gotten around the station that Roy DeSoto was going back into the field. Marco, Chet, Mike and Andy were talking about it when Johnny walked in. Suddenly they found something more to talk about.

Capt. Stanley walked in, glad to have everyone in the day room while he made the announcement. He found Gage drinking coffee and eating cookies. Part him had wondered if he should have warned Andy about the announcement.

"Well I'm sure you've all heard about Roy coming back to the field," Stanley watched John carefully, "well with Andy leaving there was an opening in our station."

Johnny put his coffee cup down, stood up, picked it up and put in the sink. He thought he heard the Cap speaking but it was just a buzz. He found himself out in the back shooting baskets.

Stanley found Gage that way, mindlessly tossing baskets.

"Johnny," Hank called softly. "Johnny."

There wasn't a response, Stanley was loathe to do it, but he lightly tapped Gage on the shoulder.

"Oh, Cap," Gage suddenly realized what he had done. "I'm sorry about that Cap. If you want me to clean the latrines."

"Johnny no. It must be some kind of a shock I know. It took me by surprise too. You're not going to have a problem working with DeSoto are you?" Hank his crew to worry about.

"No, Cap no problem. I can work with anybody," Johnny smiled only his heart wasn't in it.

"All right. Lights out in ten all right," Stanley patted Gage's shoulder.

"Sure thing Cap," Johnny bounced the ball a few times, placed it back where it belonged and headed into the station.

In his bed that night he remembered what he had told Roy.

"_You'll be back Roy. Mark my words. You'll get tired of all the paperwork and the politics because the only thing that's real is the people we save. You'll be back within the year."_

"_And you don't know a damn thing you're talking about Johnny. It's all about you isn't it? Everything revolves around you. You don't care about the victim it's just what John Gage can get out of it. You were never my friend."_

Closing his eyes, he remembered the good times he had with Andy.

*****

Johnny had said his goodbye's to Andy. Palmer had been sure to give him his new phone number and address.

"Don't be a stranger Johnny. Not like we're moving to the moon, you know," Palmer was cleaning out his locker.

"Well I wouldn't want to be a bother Andy, what with the baby coming and all," Gage was thankful it was just them in the locker room.

"Well call me, if you want to talk, man. Working with DeSoto might be a bad trip you know," Andy was done and looked at his friend.

"I'll be okay, remember I worked with him before," Gage was sitting in his locker.

"Yeah that's what I'm afraid of. You'd better call or Glynnis will. Bye," Palmer waved

and Johnny watched him leave.

****

Roy was nervous, he felt like a boot. He never expected to go back to his old station, let alone work with Gage again. He arrived early but saw Johnny had beat him to it. Quickly changing he made his way to dayroom, seeing coffee made and donuts out, but no sign of Gage.

Making his way out to the squad, Johnny was doing the biophone check and heard Dixie's reassuring voice.

"10-4 Rampart," Gage took the biophone, closed it and put it back in the squad.

"Hey Johnny," Roy waved to a frowning John.

"Roy," Johnny nodded and then headed towards the front of the squad. He popped the hood, pulled a rag out of his pocket and seemed to be checking the fluids in the engine.

Feeling useless he looked at the beautiful red squad. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

"No, I have everything under control," Johnny was happy to hide under the hood and thankful as the rest of the shift joined them in the bay. He shut the hood and leaned on the squad. The rest of the shift followed suit then the Cap came into the bay.

"Well on behalf of the station, I'd like to welcome you back Roy," Hank smiled at his newest paramedic.

"Well it's good to be back," Roy looked at his former shift mates.

"Yah Roy welcome back, "Chet was the first one to pat his back as others followed.

"Since everyone was on time today I need to assign duties."

"I'll take the latrines Cap," Johnny volunteered.

"But Johnny..." Stanley tried to protest but no one else volunteered.

"Okay, here are the other assignments," Stanley listed them; the dark haired paramedic was the first to disappear.

Roy stood there dumbfounded and went to his job assignment.

***

Not long after they got their first call of the day. Johnny made it to the driver's side and Roy did it automatically.

"I drive now," Johnny stated. "It's my squad."

DeSoto shrugged and headed towards the passenger side of the squad. He watched as Gage had all ready written down their information for the call, turned on the lights and siren.

Looking out in traffic, the sandy haired man could feel the wind in his hair as the squad barreled down the street. It was unnerving to have Johnny so quiet. He was use to him talking filling up the silence.

"What have we got?" Roy wondered what his first rescue would be.

"Unknown, we'll call the engine if we need to," Johnny stated coolly.

"Have we, um I mean you gotten a lot of these unknown recently? I mean when I was reading the evals they seemed to be a regular occurrence," Roy tried to fill the air.

Johnny didn't say anything as they pulled into the driveway of the call. Quickly getting out he had grabbed the drug box, biophone and oxygen before Roy had a chance.

"Get a move on DeSoto people's lives are in our hands," Gage said with clenched teeth.

By the time Roy had made it inside the house, Johnny had all ready called Rampart and was starting to give vitals.

"10-4 51," Brackett cool voice answered. "Start an IV with d5w and advise when transporting."

"10-4 Rampart. Will advise," Gage put the biophone back.

Roy started the IV when he heard the ambulance.

"About time," Johnny muttered under his breath.

The attendant's came in and Gage helped putting him in the gurney. He loaded up the gurney with the necessary equipment and took the biophone.

"You can drive the squad to Rampart," Gage left DeSoto alone.

It had happened in less than five minutes, his first call.

****

Back at Rampart Roy found an anxious partner.

"Where have you been Roy?" Johnny demanded. "We aren't that far from Rampart."

"Johnny," Roy stammered. "I had to clean up and then you were gone. Traffic wasn't exactly the greatest you know."

Johnny snorted. "I already get supplies. We've been out of service too long. By Dix," Gage waved leaving Roy stunned again.

"Don't worry Roy you'll get used to him, just like Palmer," Dix waved as he headed towards the squad.

They drove back to quarters in silence. Once the squad was parked Johnny looked at Roy.

"I think we'd better set things straight before we continue. Don't you," Johnny's brown eyes pierced his.

"I think that's a real good idea," Roy swallowed hard.

"Well I drive I have been since… anyway, I usually take lead on the calls unless it's something you can handle. Like if we have multiple victims. Do you agree?"

Roy nodded.

"We're professionals right?" Johnny looked at Roy.

"Yes of course we're professionals," DeSoto volunteered, not sure what Gage was aiming at.

"Look Roy," Johnny looked at his new partner. "We work together all right. WE don't have to worry about all this small talk crap. You don't have to listen to stories about my poor pathetic life."

Roy cringed as his words came back to haunt him.

"And you don't have to bore me with stories about your family and try to make nice. We're both here to do a job: save people's lives the best we can. So you can cut out all the talk. I appreciate the silence," Gage slammed the door of the squad and he was left in the station bay.


	21. Chapter 21

Roy walked into the dayroom for lunch still in shock over Johnny's declaration. However, he had no intention of honoring it. He had made some horrible errors in judgment regarding his former and now current partner.

"So Roy how was your first run of the day?" Hank asked noting Gage's silent entrance.

"Interesting. But I'll get used to it again. Once on the horse, you know," DeSoto said and heard Gage snort.

During lunch Chet, Marco, Mike and Cap made conversation while Gage ate quietly.

"Wow we actually got to each lunch," Chet smiled. "Haven't been able to do it in weeks. Figured Johnny here clued you in."

"No, Johnny…we haven't had time to talk about with the call and all," Roy smiled wondering if the whole damn shift didn't know what was going on. The sandy haired paramedic watched as Gage silently cleaned up and did dishes while the men sat around the table talking

"Yeah Roy you should have been here last week. We had this big refinery fire, Johnny almost got himself burned to a crisp rescuing some guy," Chet looked for Gage. "Hey where'd he go?"

John made his way back to his locker, he took out his shine box and started shining his shoes, he looked at the new medical books he had purchased but he wanted something mindless to do.

"Oh well his loss," Kelly smiled. "Man is Gage one daredevil."

Roy sat there silently watching as they looked him over with anticipation. Somehow he thought they were waiting for some big blowup. But Gage had made it perfectly clear he had his emotions and life under control.

Before long another klaxon had gone off and the squad went back to work. The whole shift went that way. The rest of men regaling DeSoto of previous runs and Johnny silent as a door mouse and making Roy anxious. He had been so used to the bubbly, always talking Gage, sometimes annoying, most always entertaining, unnerving.

Once the day was done, Johnny pointed out his old bunk was now his. Roy didn't have a problem until they turned in. DeSoto turned to talk to John to find Gage facing towards the wall. He was feeling more and more cut off.

By the time the shift was over, DeSoto was glad of it. He could feel how tense his muscles were and looked forward to a nice long soak at home.

"See you next shift?" Roy waved as Gage disappeared into the parking lot. He had changed and left Roy alone in the locker room. Stanley had changed and motioned him into the office.

Roy sat in the chair while Hank leaned against the desk.

"So how was your first shift back?" Hank had crossed his arms and looked seriously at the paramedic.

Roy smiled, trying in his mind how to reply to the question. "Interesting, I guess."

"I know it may take awhile to get used to Johnny," Stanley stated the obvious, "Believe me it took us a while too."

"You're telling me. Well I got to go Cap, wife's waiting," DeSoto stood up. "See ya next shift."

Driving home Hank's words sunk in. It took time for them to get used to the new Gage and the Phantom had disappeared and the shift had turned into a morgue. Because of him, oh, there was no denying it. The things he had said to Johnny in anger, hit their mark only too well.

***

Johnny needed to get away, far away as possible, away from the city and Roy DeSoto. His skin had crawled the whole time he had been on shift with him. Roy DeSoto his once friend and partner. He had been such a fool. He had very few friends. Maybe he had trust issues from the reservation. Thankful his family had moved far away when they had a chance.

Pulling into his driveway, he opened up his garage and took out his dusty camping gear. Since his last hiking accident he had put his gear away for good he thought. DeSoto showing up wasn't something he expected. But the whole thing had been his fault anyway, since it seemed he could never leave anything alone. Always with a remark, he had shot himself in the foot, no he had blown up his leg, one of the few good things he had going and he had messed up it real good.

Waving to his neighbor, Gage would buy groceries on the way up, being sure to store a small ice chest. Bills could wait but his sanity didn't.

Driving out of the city, Johnny felt the tension ease from his shoulders. He would be free for a few days at least. Maybe some overtime would do the trick, he had been neglecting his house and anything to not think about Roy DeSoto would fit the bill.

****

Pulling up in his driveway, he knew Joanne would want a blow by blow of how his first shift went. However, he wasn't exactly in the talking mood and he had never told Joanne about the breakup of his and John's friendship. Funny he thought he'd never see Gage again. Their last shift was so intense and heated the thought of going back into the field never crossed his mind. At least he had a long honey do list where he could get his mind off of work and John Gage.


	22. Chapter 22

Roy sat on a chair on his deck going over Johnny's declaration. Well shutting him off wouldn't work. He would confront Gage it was the only way to work out their differences.

Telling his wife he was going to see his partner, DeSoto gunned the engine of his car and made good time to Gage's place. The only problem was he wasn't there. A neighbor saw him pull up and walked over.

"You a friend of Johnny's?" the silver haired man asked.

"Yeah, I am. Is he going to be back soon?" the sandy haired man had noticed the missing Rover.

"Um, I don't think so. He was going camping. Johnny hasn't been camping in a long while. I know he'll be back before he goes back to work though. You want me to tell him you were here?" The man looked at him.

"No, thanks anyway," DeSoto climbed back in his car, disappointed and drove home.

****

Johnny looked up at the night sky and was in peace. Nature always revived wondering why he didn't find some job out in wilderness. He had toyed with the idea of becoming a park ranger at one time, but in his heart, a firefighter was the only thing he knew. The dismal response he had gotten from his inquires wondered if his fate was to have his mistakes thrown up at him. DeSoto being his partner didn't bode well, he probably still had the chief's ear, it was just another way to get him fired and blackballed. The rejection letters sure felt like it. Oh they were nice and polite, saying budget cuts and no openings but it was rejection all the same.

He sighed heavily, thinking by now he was used to rejection, and rejection should be a second skin since he had it all his life. Johnny had found a home in the fire service only maybe it wasn't a home anymore. It had stopped being fun when DeSoto went to the academy. Having no one to confide in, he had seen the disconcerting and confused faces of his shift mates those first few months. Serious John Gage they weren't ready for. Dumb, clumsy and ready for a joke that was the Johnny they knew. Yeah, he was always good for a joke.

Not stupid he knew it was his reputation in the department. But he had changed their minds; he had considered studying for the engineer's job just to prove them all wrong. But he knew he enjoyed being a paramedic, he had made a difference in people's lives and they appreciated it. With DeSoto being back, Gage again considered his options.

******

Changing for the shift, Roy to his dismay found Gage was again early and he had no chance to talk to him in private. Roll call and job assignments went easily, with Gage volunteering latrines again. It was going to be another slow morning.

Hank could see the strain between his paramedic crew, Johnny of course said nothing and DeSoto wandered around, lost. In time he hoped the men would work out their differences. For now he would watch and wait and decide what to do when the time came.

Klaxons sounded sending the whole station out on a call. The team worked effectively and there were only minor injuries. Stanley watched as both paramedics were business and nothing else. It was going to be a long shift.

****

For a month, Roy tried to talk to Johnny off shift. Either he was gone or working over time. Gage was making this difficult or near to impossible. He remembered last shift.

_Everyone was in the day room. Johnny was on the couch reading a book and the rest of the guys were sitting at the table. Trying to break in Roy walked over to Gage._

"_What ya reading?" DeSoto approached cautiously._

_Gage held up a medical book and then went to reading._

"_Huh, don't you read anything for fun anymore?" Roy tried to smile only John returned to his book._

"_You're fighting a losing battle," Chet declared. "Once Gage gets into his books only thing tears him away is a call."_

_The other men agreed._

"_Besides gives me time to study for my exam," Chet sighed and went back to his books._

"_Hey Chet. I'll help you," Roy looked back at Johnny who didn't even look up._

"_Really Roy?" Chet smiled, "you mean it man. I need all the help I can get."_

_So for the rest of the shift he helped Chester B. and Gage was all business._

***

Dixie looked up as Roy and John entered the ER. Both had unreadable expressions on their faces and business demeanors.

"Hey Dix," Roy looked for a friendly face. Anything to relieve his serious partner.

"Hi Roy," Dix looked at Johnny, "mind if I steal your partner away for a few minutes?"

"Sure. I guess," Roy shrugged, holding tightly to the HT.

"Johnny will you follow me please," the nurse led Gage into Brackett's office.

Looking around he found only himself and the nurse in the office.

"What's up Dix? Am I in trouble?" Although it had been a very long time since he had gotten into trouble.

"No," Dix gave it her best smile and looked at him with her big, blue eyes. "But Johnny your birthday is coming up."

"So I had a birthday last year and the year before," Gage shrugged. "What's up Dix?"

"Well since I didn't do anything for your birthday last year."

"I didn't want anything done for my birthday Dix. Okay are we done now?" Johnny turned to leave.

"NO John Gage I would like to invite you for dinner at my place for your birthday. That's if you can squeeze me in your social calendar," McCall held tightly onto his shoulders.

"Don't you know I'm the most popular person around Dix," Johnny said sarcastically. "But I don't want you to go to any trouble. Just dinner right?" Brown eyes met blue.

"Yes just dinner between friends," Dix crossed her arms waiting for a reply.

"Hell, why not," Johnny smiled. "Sure. Okay. But I've got to go," Johnny waved and left the door open. Seeing a stunned DeSoto.

"Don't waste time we have things to do. I see you have the drugs good."

Watching them go Dixie was jumping for joy inside. Operation Surprise was now in operation.


	23. Chapter 23

John's highlight of the week was going to the Pediatric Ortho ward. The children seemed to accept him as he was and the charm always seemed to work. It was his little secret he hoped since no one at the station had made any comments. The kids were smiling, laughing at his horrible jokes and hung on every word when he told his fire stories. What else did a man need?

"Hi Angela," Gage waved with his hands full.

"What have you got there Johnny?" the petite Hispanic nurse smiled at him.

"Well after the incident last time, I found something that won't wreck the equipment. Here feel it," Johnny held out the soft bat and ball.

"Wow, don't think this will even hurt the kids. Pretty impressive," she smiled back at him.

"Well I overhead one of the guys at the station rave about it," the dark haired paramedic shrugged. "Have to go their waiting for me." He made his way down the hall to the playroom and his waiting charges.

An hour quickly past and Johnny was leaving the hospital.

"Have a minute Johnny?" Angela motioned Gage over.

"Yeah, not like I have anywhere else to go. Wassup?" The paramedic leaned on the counter of the nurse's station.

"Well you're making it difficult for my patients to be discharged," Lopez tried to keep a straight face.

"Me," Johnny pointed a hand at himself. "What am I doing wrong? Cause if you like I'll stop." He was more willing to accommodate the nurses.

"No, you can't because the rest of kids would mutiny for sure," Angela laughed.

A blond haired nurse came to station and watched the conversation.

"You've gotten me really confused Angela," the dark haired paramedic scratched his nose.

"Johnny, it's like this. My kids don't want to leave their weekly visits from Fireman Johnny and when you come you help the kids get out of the hospital faster. Do you see my dilemma?" Angela saw the spark in the fireman's eyes.

"Yeah, yeah I guess I do. Sorry, but to tell you the truth Angela I think I need the kids more than they need me," the paramedic surprised himself with the revelation. No one knew of his weekly visits.

"Good. That's all I wanted to tell you. See you next week?" the nurse asked hopefully.

"Yeah next week. I'll call and let you know which day. Bye," Johnny waved and headed towards the elevator.

Nurse Karen Andrews looked at the fireman leaving and turned to her co-worker.

"Was that Johnny Gage?" She watched as the elevator doors closed.

"Yes," Angela turned to the nurse. "Why?"

"Are you and he…" The question hung in the air.

"No, we're just friends," Lopez could all ready see the wheels turning.

"Good then you don't mind…" Karen lips curled into a big smile.

"Be my guest sister. He's all yours. I have to make rounds," Angela left and laughed knowing Karen wouldn't get far with Johnny.

****

"I think you're making a big mistake Dix," Brackett looked again at his crazy lover.

"No, I'm not Kell when was the last time Johnny had a party? He's needs this. Besides everyone will be there," Dixie responded. "I've all ready asked."

"Even Roy?" The doctor had seen what little relationship the old team had.

"Yes even Roy," the nurse was adamant. "How would it feel if I didn't invite him? Everyone at the station has been invited and lots of people from Rampart."

Dr. Early came to look at a chart and got caught in the heated discussion.

"I'm with Kell, you're playing with fire Dix, with the party and all," Early gave his two cents.

"Well no on asked you," Dixie slammed down a pencil.

"I'm going to make rounds," Joe made a quick exit.

"So you are going through with this then?" Kell's eyes squinted looking at the insane woman.

"Yes and I'm going to need your help." She looked at him with her big, blue eyes.

"Now wait a minute Dix. It was your idea. You don't seriously think I'll help you?" Brackett crossed his arms giving his answer.

"Listen Kell whenever Roy and Johnny are in here I just can't get Roy alone to ask him. All I want you do is keep Johnny occupied while I ask him to the party. Now is that so much to ask?" Dixie turned on her charm.

"Well not exactly. But I'll be the first to tell you 'I told you so' if it blows up in your face," Brackett made his opinion clear.

"And I'll gladly accept it gracefully. Thanks again," she kissed him on the cheek and returned back to her work.

****

The first three shifts Johnny and Roy worked made it impossible for Dixie to ask Roy to the party. The ER was a madhouse and they paramedics made a quick exit. McCall was growing worried since the party was only two weeks away.

However, the next shift brought gold as it was a slow day. Brackett was coming out of treatment room 3, when Dix nodded to him and he stopped Johnny.

"Hey Johnny got a minute?" Kell asked innocently wondering how he ever got himself involved in the first place.

"Sure Doc" a long missing slight quirk formed on Gage's lips.

Roy headed to the nurse's station for much needed supplies.

Dixie waited until the right moment.

"Roy," she looked at him seeing the frown lines and furrowed brow on his face.

"Yeah, Dixie," DeSoto turned wondered what the nurse wanted.

"I'm throwing a surprise party for Johnny in two weeks," Dix said quietly.

Roy quietly stole a glance at his partner talking with Dr. Brackett.

"That's real nice of you Dix," the sandy haired paramedic was preoccupied with his supply list.

"Anyway I wanted to invite you and Joanne to the party. I've invited the whole station and a few people from Rampart," Dixie smiled hoping to ease the tension.

DeSoto once again looked at Johnny down the hall, knowing he would be the last person he would want to see.

"That's awfully nice to ask us Dixie," Roy frowned, "but I…I don't think it would be a good idea."

Brackett looked at Dixie who hadn't given him the all clear sign yet so he continued talking to Gage who seemed to be a wealth of medical knowledge.

"No Roy I won't take no for an answer. Here," she quickly wrote down the details and handed them to Roy. "I expect to see you there Roy or you'll really get on my bad side."

"Well Dixie I really don't want to do that but…tell you what I'll think about it okay?" Roy hoped it would be enough.

"Fair enough, but talk to Joanne. I miss seeing her."

Gage walked over and looked at his partner. "Ready?'

"Yeah we're ready," Roy hastily stuffed the note in his shirt pocket and tried to forget about it.


	24. Chapter 24

Roy looked at the piece of paper in his pocket when they got back to the station. Now he knew what everyone had been whispering about. A party for Johnny and he had been invited and officially warned to show up. He knew Dixie very well and well to be truthful she could be a bitch if she wanted to.

Johnny chose this particular moment to walk into the locker room and went to the sink. DeSoto quickly stuffed the piece of paper in his pocket and left. Gage didn't miss the move and wondered if his partner had been taking notes on him as evidence to get him fired. At this point in time it didn't matter; with his commendations and citations the only thing to get him fired was killing someone. He may not be Teflon but he was pretty damn close.

Dinner was the usual as the men talked around Gage. This had become their usual routine since DeSoto had returned back to the station. Hank, Marco, Chet and Mike kept stealing glances at the quiet Roy. The two paramedics seemed a pair this evening and Cap was worried.

Hank had seen the many moods of John Gage but this time had been the worst. For the last year he had seen a once bubbly, always speaking his mind turn into a reserved, somber man. Seemingly always buried in a medical book and his private life locked away. Except for the one housewarming party at his Gage's house there had been no other social activity. Stanley had noticed John exclusions from DeSoto's parties and knew there was a rift as large as the Grand Canyon between the once partners and friends. However as long as the men maintained a professional relationship he could do nothing but wait.

The piece of paper in Roy's chest burned like a hot, uncontrolled fire. The paramedic had grown use to the silence in the cab of the squad. Before it meant Johnny was stewing about something, the worst when Gage had lost his friend Drew Burke die. What surprised Roy was Johnny had never mentioned his policeman friend and his family. But then again who knew what went through the mind of John Gage. Whatever had possessed him to pick Gage as partner in the first place amazed him. They were like water and oil. Yet a part of him missed the old Johnny, the one person who could always relieve the tension after a scary fire or rescue.

After dinner Gage excused himself and went to the dorm, reaching under his pillow he pulled out the latest bestseller, The Day of the Jackal. Lately he needed something to relax his mind before going to sleep. Sometimes he just got plain tired of the medical texts he read. Hearing noises from the rest of the shift, he placed the book under his pillow and pretended to be asleep.

*****

The next shift found Roy and Johnny at Rampart and Dixie watched Roy like a hawk. She still hadn't had an answer regarding her surprise party.

John was at the nurses' station when he was stopped by a nurse.

"Hello," Karen Andrews winked at Johnny.

Taken aback, the paramedic stumbled back a few steps.

Watching the exchange were Dixie and Roy.

"I'm Karen Andrews I work on the same floor as Angela Lopez," the nurse smiled more.

"I'm John Gage," Johnny offered his hand and then remembered where he had seen her. "I've seen you around."

"Yes so I have I," Karen was direct.

However, by that time Johnny had seen right through her and once again swore off women. Now he knew how he had treated some women.

"Well it was nice meeting you. Time to go," Gage did a quick turnabout and was halfway to the double doors.

"Sorry got to go," DeSoto waved thankful for the diversion and McCall's unwavering eyes.

Once in the squad Roy looked at the bemused Johnny.

"She was a very pretty girl," DeSoto mentioned.

"So," Johnny replied disdainfully

"Well it looked to me like she was interested and…"

Gage pulled the squad over.

"Look Roy we had this discussion before. We each have our own private lives and I like to keep it that way. IT will make working so much easier," Johnny put the squad back in gear and made good time back to the station. The slamming of the squad door sealed Roy's decision on Johnny's birthday party.

****

The next few weeks were painful and Roy couldn't wait to get home. However Joanne had other ideas. Once changed she asked to sit down at the dining room table. She pulled out the piece of paper Dixie had given to him.

"Roy I found this in your pants pocket. What is this about?" Joanne looked at her worried husband.

"Well, you see," Roy stammered, "it's…will Dix planned a surprise party for Johnny's birthday," he smiled.

"That's wonderful and it's tomorrow," Joanne sounded elated.

_Busted!_

"We have to go. I'll get a sitter, I think it's been ages since I've seen Dixie," Joanne's mind was turning all ready.

"Honey," Roy took his wife's hand gently. "I don't think it would be a good idea to go."

"Nonsense Roy DeSoto, you work with Johnny and I'm sure everyone else will be there. Why it would be an insult to Johnny if we didn't show up. Don't you think?" his wife effectively muted him.

"Sure honey. We'll go. We'll go," Roy dreaded the next day.

****

Johnny knew he should be furious. Dixie had promised him a quiet dinner for his birthday, but instead he had a surprise party instead. All his shift mates were there, along with the doc's from the ER and other friends. So nervous he drank the first beer in his hand and was all ready on his second.

Gage made his way around the room, reminiscing about the last dinner party at Dixie's before he became a real paramedic, now back here he found it bittersweet. The party had been going on for hours and he had lost track of how many beers he had. But he didn't care for once he would let his hair down; he laughed at his own private joke and continued to make the rounds of the room

Roy was nervous, but tried to hide it from Joanne. They parked in the lot of the apartment building and made there way to the nurse's place. It wasn't hard to find with the music and people talking.

Walking into the apartment, DeSoto found a lot of surprised faces, however there was one that counted.

Johnny was in the back of the place, talking and laughing with Chet, and then he noticed a slight change in the party. Turning around he saw a tall sandy haired man. A man whom he never expected to see at his party. HIS PARTY for pity's sake. Weaving slowly to the front of the apartment he confronted his partner.

"JUST WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?"


	25. Chapter 25

Johnny's eyes flashed full of anger and hatred.

Roy felt the heat of the stare and stood there.

"WILL IT'S ABOUT TIME EVERYONE FOUND OUT ABOUT THE REAL WORLD'S GREATEST PARAMEDIC!" Gage's words spilled.

Dixie hearing the rant quickly made her way over to Roy and John. Kel was in the kitchen, quickly came over and was on the other side of the drunken paramedic.

"Johnny, please," Dix tried to calm Gage down.

Ignoring his host, the dark haired paramedic focused on his once former friend.

"YOU KNOW WHAT THE GREAT ROY DESOTO TOLD ME," Johnny's words slurred together. "HE FELT SORRY FOR ME AND CHOSE ME AS A PARTNER." Gage laughed. "ME WHO FINISHED TOP IN MY PARAMEDIC CLASS EVEN BEATING OUT THE WORLD'S BEST."

By now the party was a quiet as a library.

"Please," Dixie hissed taking a hold of the drunken man.

"YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE. HE WAS JUST BEING NICE TO ME. HE DIDN'T THINK I HAD ANY FRIENDS. ME," pointing to himself, "WELL I HAVE LOTS OF FRIENDS ROY DESOTO DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT."

"Roy," Joanne looked into her husband's pained eyes. "What is this about?" Her voice was a mere whisper.

Johnny was swaying but he continued. He know saw four of his former friend but he didn't care.

"YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? THE WORLD'S GEATEST PARAMEDIC TOLD ME?"

Johnny finally heard the quiet but continued; now he had everyone's attention.

"HE THOUGHT I ONLY GAVE A DAMN ABOUT ME! NOT THE VICTIMS OR PATIENTS WHO'S LIFE WE HAVE IN OUR HANDS!" Johnny's eyes were burning now.

"Please Johnny," Dixie pleaded with Johnny knowing he was making a terrible mistake.

"NO, Dix about time everyone learned about the real Roy DeSoto," John spat with pure hatred and swayed a few more times.

"THE GREAT ROY DESOTO THINKS …." Johnny felt his stomach rumble and could feel it working up his throat. "I think I'm going to be sick," the drunken paramedic ran towards the bathroom.

"I'll look after him," Kel looked at Dixie with his 'told you so' look.

"Roy I'm so sorry," Dixie pleaded.

"I think it's time we go," Roy's voice barely carried to McCall as the DeSoto's quickly vanished.

"Well leave it to Gage to mess up his own birthday party," Chet said for everyone to hear and taking some pleasure in it.

"I think the party's over," Hank looked at his stricken hostess. "Shall we?" Stanley looked at his crew and their dates.

"Yeah, I think you're right Cap," Mike felt sorry for Johnny and the fact Roy had shown up.

Saying their goodbyes and thank you's Dixie was alone in five minutes. Heading back to her bathroom, she found Kel standing next to Johnny who was leaning over the toilet.

"How is he?" She was concerned for her friend.

"Passed out," Brackett crossed his arms, "happy now?"

"Kel I never expected this to happen. Johnny getting drunk. Kel I swear I've never seen Johnny drunk!" Dixie was exasperated and her hopes dashed. She wanted something special for her friend and gave him something worse.

"All I can say Dix you shouldn't have gotten involved between Johnny and Roy. Now what?" Kel expressed his displeasure on the party and inviting Roy.

"Put him to bed and…"

"No he deserves the couch for what he did. C'mon help me with him," Kel looked at the pale faced, passed out paramedic.

Kel took his left arm, Dix took his right arm and they carried him to her living room. They deposited Gage on the couch and covered him with a blanket. After a long kiss, Dix and Kel cleaned up her apartment. After saying goodbye to her lover, Dix checked on her drunken friend. Touching his forehead she found it warm to the touch, more than likely the effects of the alcohol. The clock stuck ten and the nurse was exhausted.

****

Johnny's head pounded and he couldn't breathe. Opening his eyes, he moved his legs from the couch to the floor. He found himself fully clothed and wondered how he got on the couch. Rubbing his hands over his face, he looked at the floor and smelled coffee. Gage finally realized he wasn't home.

"Coffee?" Dixie looked at her houseguest. She had gotten up earlier and had watched Johnny sleep.

The dark haired man shuffled over to the kitchen sink, took a cloth, wet it with cold water and put it on his neck. He didn't feel any better.

"C'mon Johnny sit down before you fall down," the nurse asked him gently.

Sitting next to Dixie, Johnny rubbed at his bloodshot eyes and coughed hard.

"You know Dixie," Gage's black hair was every which way and he was very nasally.

"What Johnny?" Dixie waited and held tight to her coffee cup.

"I had the weirdest dream. I dreamed Roy DeSoto came to my party and I told him off," Johnny shook his head and then looked at the nurse. She frowned.

"It wasn't a dream Johnny," McCall shrugged sorry for the pain she had caused to both Roy and John.

"Oh man. Oh man. Oh man," Johnny coughed, making his chest and head hurt.

"Here have some coffee," Dixie poured a cup and shoved a plate of toast to him. "You don't sound too good Johnny."

"I don't feel too good either," Gage sniffed his nose, took a paper napkin and blew into it. He spotted a trash can a few feet away and tossed it in. "Two points."

Dixie laughed. _Men were all the same. Overgrown boys._

Eating a piece of toast and drinking his coffee the paramedic didn't feel so bad. In between sneezing and coughing he finished his meal and stood up.

"Well Dixie I think I should head home," Dix gently pushed him back into his chair.

"Not so fast handsome," the silver haired nurse glared at him. "You are not leaving until you tell me what happened between you and Roy."

"Seriously Dix it isn't any of your business," John again tried to stand only to be pushed down.

"It became my business with I threw a birthday party for you in my house and you told Roy off. Understand," Dix said in her no nonsense tone.

"Yeah Dix I understand. Before we get started I'm going to need more coffee and toast," Johnny sighed knowing it would be painful for both but somewhat happy to unload his problem on someone else. He had kept his fight from Roy for over a year and it was getting awfully hard not to say anything, now he was working with his former friend.

Dixie gladly poured the dark haired man more coffee and gave him toast with jam and butter.

Eagerly waiting for the distraction, Johnny ate his toast slowly and stared into his coffee cup; surprised the pain was still there as if it was yesterday and not over a year ago.

"Okay Johnny quit stalling. Please tell me," the nurse said using her best calming voice.

Clearing his throat and coughing, the paramedic found his voice and tried not to sound mournful. Looking into the dark coffee he began his story." It's just between us. Right?"

He didn't want this to become public knowledge.

"Yes Johnny just between you and me," Dixie felt bad now since Johnny felt he had to guard a secret.

"You know Dix, I was the last to know about Roy's promotion," Johnny stated flatly.

"But I thought..." the nurse's blue eye's flared.

"What like I'd be the third person at least? I knew something was up. I came in one morning for shift and the guys were patting him on the back and congratulating him. But Roy didn't say a damn thing to me. I bet you knew before I did," Johnny remembered because as soon as he came into the locker room the crew scattered and so did Roy.

"Roy told us right after he accepted the promotion," Dixie remembered Roy all smiles; he had come straight from the academy. She sighed.

"Well Roy told me at the station. Can you believe it? Do you know how many times I was at their place? He told me at the station," Johnny coughed, shook his head and drank more coffee.

"I guess he told the Cap he was going to tell me. Everyone in the day room split and it was just Roy and me. I took a coffee cup, filled it with coffee and sat at one end of the table, Roy at the other. After he told me I pretended I was happy for him. But it didn't last long," Johnny looked up. "Wait Dix it gets better. I shot myself in the head," Gage pantomimed putting a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. "Maybe Roy was right in telling me so late. I got angry, jealous and a whole bunch of emotions I can't name."

"Johnny," Dix squeezed his forearm.

"Well if you want something to mess up just give it to Johnny Gage. For Roy's last two weeks, I needled him. OH, Roy has his soft spots and I knew where to go. Now I didn't just go for the artery, Dix. No, I had to go for the jugular. Every single shift and all the time. Even in front of the guys. God what they must have thought of me? No wonder they won't talk to me," Johnny had an 'ah ha' moment. "See Dix I'm dense as a post."

"Johnny," Dix tried to comfort her friend, hearing his voice crack and his voice waver.

"Like I said Dix it gets better," Gage coughed again. "Damn feels like I smoked a whole burning warehouse." Taking sips of coffee he twirled the spoon in his hands.

"So on our last shift," Johnny looked into Dix's blue eyes. "Roy blew up on me. Oh and the really good part, being Roy of course, everything was true. Yep, Roy hit my jugular and man, get this, I got angry! Angry, like the last two weeks of what I did to him didn't matter. Typical self absorbed, shallow, egotistical John Gage." Gage coughed harder now, with his nose and eyes watery and his breathing more difficult.

"You're being too hard on yourself Johnny," Dixie could see how much her favorite paramedic was in pain.

"No, Dixie. Roy changed me. See all my life I've been looking for a purpose and I found it being a paramedic," John's mouth quirked into a half grin, "Thank God for Roy. Who knows if I'd still be a fireman," Johnny laughed. "So I took everything he said to heart and concentrated on being a better paramedic and person."

"At the cost of Johnny Gage?" Dixie asked seeing the change of her former fun loving, crazy friend.

"Oh no Dix that Johnny Gage no longer exists." Cough. Cough. "I'm the new and improved version." Cough. Cough. He took a much needed sip of now cold coffee.

"Really Dix I need to get home and get to sleep. I have work tomorrow," standing up Gage's nose ran more and he was forced again to blow his nose. "Thanks for the party, much as it was. I'd kiss you but then I'd get you sick." Johnny found his jacket on the couch and went to the front door.

"I'm sorry," Dix sighed.

"For what?" Johnny was confused

"For you and Roy."

"Don't be Dix, it would' a happened sooner or later. Glad it was sooner. See ya later."

Gage wasn't sure how he made it home. Along with his head pounding, it seemed he was coughing with every breath. All the stress, pain and exhaustion from working with Roy took its toll. Striping down to underwear, Johnny took two aspirin; made sure his alarm was set and crawled into bed.

By the time he woke up it was five till 8, the next morning.

"Crap," Johnny said hoarsely and attempted to get out of bed. The room swayed and he knew he had the flu. Picking up the phone he dialed the stations number praying Roy didn't pick up the phone.

"Station 51, Captain Stanley. How may I help you?" Cap's comforting voice answered.

"Cap," Johnny coughed.

"Who is this?" Hank could tell the caller was really sick.

"It's me Johnny," Gage coughed again, wishing he could crawl into bed and die.

"You sound horrible," Cap frowned.

"I'm sorry Cap. I think. Cough. I. Cough. Got. Cough. Cough. Cough. The flu," Johnny tried to draw a breath.

"All right pal. You stay home and get better. I mean it, no heroics and if you don't feel better tomorrow go to Rampart," Hank warned him sternly.

"Sure. Cough. Cap. Bye," Gage hung up the phone and went back to an exhausted sleep.


	26. Chapter 26

"Johnny is sick and won't be in today," Hank announced to his shift.

"Well isn't that convenient," Chet said smartly grinning like the proverbial cat. "Just like Johnny, he sure can mess things up good."

"Chet," Stanley warned. "You'd better quit while you behind. You have latrines for the next two weeks. Roy I want to see you in my office. All right gentlemen you have your assignments."

Roy followed glumly into Cap's office and sat down. Hank leaned against the desk.

"Roy," Cap clasped his hands in front of him. "About Dixie's party."

DeSoto stuffed his hands in his pockets worried about Gage. "Uh, is Johnny going to be okay?"

"He sounded pretty sick Roy. I told him if he didn't feel any better by tomorrow to go to Rampart," Hank could see the worry lines on the paramedic's face.

"He'll go right. I mean to the doctor's if he's sick?" Roy continued to stare straight ahead knowing it was him who had caused John to get sick.

"Roy about the party and the things Johnny said..."

"Cap Johnny was drunk, you know," Roy tried to smile knowing the words Gage spewed out were his.

"So there won't be a problem between you and Johnny?" Hank was worried as he did have the best paramedic team in the field.

"No, Cap not one problem. Who's Johnny's replacement?" DeSoto tried to keep the conversation.

"Brice," Hank smiled. "He'll be here within the hour."

"Thanks. Can I go check the equipment?" DeSoto turned toward the door.

"Yeah, go check the equipment Roy," Stanley watched as the hunched over man headed toward the squad.

**************

John woke up feeling worse the next day, sliding out of bed; he put on his clothes sitting next to the bed and slipped on some tennis shoes. Climbing into his Rover he had to wipe his eyes a few times to see. But a promise was a promise. Driving to Rampart he realized he had been avoiding a long over due decision, but it would have to wait until he was better.

Once in the emergency room, Dixie came right to him.

"You look horrible," she exclaimed.

"Well I love you to, Dix. Could I see a doctor please?" John's eyes squinted trying to keep the harsh light out of his eyes.

"Follow me," the nurse led to treatment room. "Sit down. I'll get a doctor."

Gage was too tired to sit down and laid on the examination table. He was cold, thirsty and started coughing again once he lay down. Too tired to care, he closed his eyes and tried to sleep.

A bright cheerful Kell Brackett entered the room.

"Johnny?" Kell walked over to his patient.

Opening one eye, Johnny looked at the doc.

"They had to send you, of course, why not?" Gage lamented knowing Brackett had helped him to the toilet after his little performance at his party.

"Do I detect a note of protest?" the doctor was surprised at the usually cooperative man.

"Yeah, you do, but go ahead. I'm too damn tired to fight," Johnny declared forcing himself to sit up. "I'm all yours Doc."

Taking the cold metal of the stethoscope to Johnny's chest he didn't like what he was hearing and looked at his patient.

"How long have you been sick Johnny?" Brackett crossed his arms.

"A few days, maybe a week. I was feeling kinda tired. Most of my days off I slept. This cough and everything else didn't show up until yesterday. Why? How does my chest sound?" John asked the paramedic coming out.

Dixie entered, took a thermometer from the jar and stuck it in this mouth; she took his pulse and put a blood pressure cuff on him.

Relaying the information to the doctor McCall knew her friend was very sick.

"Well for one thing Johnny were going to need to take a chest x-ray and…"

Gage's eyes rolled, _why me?_

"And then after I see the x-rays I can determine a course of action for you. Now why don't you lie back and we'll take good care of you," Brackett signaled for the portable x-ray and Johnny closed his eyes.

"Well don't take this the wrong way, but I really don't want to stay here. To tell you the truth I'm sick of hospitals," Johnny moaned.

"Well I can't make any promises until I see the x-rays Johnny and no I won't take it the wrong way," Brackett patted Gage's shoulder. "Just take it easy okay?"

"All right doc," Johnny lay down as the portable x-ray technicians took photos and watched as Brackett and the techs left.

Dixie came in a few minutes later and covered him up with a blanket.

"Thanks Dix. I'm awfully cold," Johnny sniffled.

"You should be you have a temperature of 101. Go back to sleep, it will be awhile," McCall patted his arm and he went back to sleep.

Nice and warm, Gage felt someone shaking him and sat up and wrapped the blanket around him, keeping his eyes closed.

"Johnny," Dixie said quietly, "your ride is here."

"Roy," the paramedic said automatically.

"Sorry to disappoint you Johnny," Stanley answered back forcing Gage to open his eyes.

"Sorry Cap," Johnny grimaced. "Ride home? Does that mean I don't have to stay here?" He was suddenly feeling better.

Brackett came in. "You lucked out Johnny. You have a bad case of flu and are exhausted. Maybe after a few days rest you can go back to work." The doctor frowned as Gage left the treatment room.

"Keep the blanket," Dixie smiled at Johnny wondering what had gotten into Kell. "I'll check on you later."

Stanley carried a small white bag and Johnny heard the tell tale signs of pills.

"What have you got there?" the dark haired man held the blanket tighter.

"These are for you John. I'll trade your keys for the meds," Hank stopped as Gage fished out his car keys from his pocket.

Once in his Rover, Johnny was on the passenger side as Hank drove, snuggled in his blanket he didn't wake up until he was home. Stanley opened up the door and then he saw the grocery bags in the back.

"I'm really sorry about this Cap. I mean…I'm just sorry about everything," Gage took out his house key as he looked at his superior.

"Johnny its okay," Hank tried to calm him. "You'll be okay as long as you follow doctor's orders.

"Sure Cap," John opened the door to his house.

"Johnny why don't you take a shower huh? Brush your teeth, you'll feel a lot better," Hank smiled setting him at ease.

Once in his bedroom he stripped down, Gage climbed into the hot shower as the steam opened up his tortured lungs, he brushed his teeth and was actually starting to feel better. Opening the door from his bathroom to his bedroom he found the Cap had put clean sheets on his bed and laid out new underwear. Suddenly he felt five years old. On his bed stand he found a large pitcher of water, glass and all his meds. Suddenly he realized he was in the shower longer than he thought.

Smelling food, Johnny walked towards the door only to be met by Hank carrying a tray.

"Get into bed John," Stanley ordered.

Sighing the paramedic climbed into bed and Hank placed the tray on his lap.

"Now this should do it," Cap said proudly. "The doc wanted you on the brat diet. So you have a banana, white toast, chicken noodle soup and rice pudding. You'll find everything on the counter and the left over soup is in the fridge. He said you'd be out a week to ten days and…

"But Cap…" Johnny moaned, "A week but…"

"John I'm sorry but I don't want to hear from you for a week. All right?" Stanley stood his hands on his hips. "I'm going to clean up a bit and pick up your tray. My wife should be here shortly."

Johnny nodded mutely and meekly ate his lunch. Before long he was asleep.

Hank woke him up, took his tray and gave him his meds. "Now drink lots of water and sleep John. I'll see ya later," Cap waved as he left and took the tray.

"Yeah, see ya Cap," Gage pushed himself further into bed and was asleep.

****

_Why do I always draw Brice as a partner," _Roy lamented. _"He reminds me more and more of Johnny. Poster boy for the damn paramedics."_

"Roy," Brice called to his partner. "Roy?"

"Huh," DeSoto looked at his partner.

"Tough about Gage huh?" the paramedic smiled. "But it had to hit him sooner or later."

"Hit what?" Roy wondered what this by-the-book man had to say.

"What didn't you hear? Gage has been working double, triple shifts. Doesn't matter if he was a replacement paramedic or the station. Must be saving up for some vacation," Brice passed the information. "I thought you knew. I mean you and Johnny…"

"Are none of your damn business Brice. Don't you have anything better to do with your time than gossip," Roy shook his head as they pulled into the station. Slamming the door of the squad, Roy headed to the locker room.


	27. Chapter 27

Waff27

Brice was getting on his nerves.

_How the hell would he know about Johnny when no one else does? Take that back everyone but me._

Going into the dayroom he spotted the brown nosing Chet Kelly. Kelly would know, he always knew.

"Hey Chet," Roy poured himself a cup of coffee. "Got a minute?" DeSoto put the cup down and headed towards the back of the station.

"Sure Roy," Kelly followed the paramedic out to the back of the station.

"Um, Chet do you know anything about Johnny working over time?" Roy's blue eyes pierced his shift mates.

"And what if I did? It's really none of your business Roy, what Gage does or doesn't do, considering," Kelly turned to leave.

"Considering what Chet? I come here and I swear everyone has been giving me the cold shoulder. What the hell did I do?" Roy threw up his hands.

"What the hell did you do? Roy, you must be kidding. After you left why John Gage was never the same," Chet hissed. "You know he stopped dating. The only thing he cared about was being the best paramedic out there. Christ, he always was a good paramedic. YOU know the last time I saw Johnny smile? Never, man, just because of you. Now you have to come back and rub Gage's nose in it. You should have stayed at the academy," Kelly turned abruptly and left the stunned sandy haired paramedic.

***

It had been a long ten days and John was ready to go back to work. He had rehearsed it all in his mind as he drove to the DeSoto house. Funny, he mused, it would probably the last time.

Pulling up in front of the drive, the paramedic pried his hands off his steering wheel.

_C'mon Johnny boy the quicker you get it done the better._

Knocking on the front door, John wondered if they would even let him through the door after the party. Sighing he waited.

Roy was mowing the lawn in the backyard. The never ending task was what he needed between Chet's revelations and Johnny tirade; he doubted his decision to come back.

Opening the door, Joanne was surprised to see John Gage. Roy, her husband, had been tight lipped after Johnny's party and seemed to be exhausted more than usual from work. But she knew her husband would talk when he was ready and not before.

"Hey Joanne," Johnny waved. _._

"Johnny, come in," Joanne smiled as she let him in the house.

"Um, Roy home?" the paramedic asked knowing he had seen Roy's car in the driveway.

"He's in the back mowing the lawn. I'm sure he'll be glad to see you," the brunette pointed toward the back of the house.

"Why don't you go see him and I'll get refreshments," she quickly disappeared leaving John slack jawed.

Hearing the mower in the back, Gage stared a minute while Roy mowed his lawn. Opening the slider he closed the door behind him and stood on the deck.

The sandy haired wondered what his wife wanted now. The work never seemed to end. Turning off the loud mower he turned to the deck and saw Johnny Gage standing there. His hands on his hips and a serious expression on his face.

"Hey Roy. You probably thought I forgot how to get to your place, huh." Gage stood there waiting for DeSoto's next move.

Roy walked over to Gage just as his wife came out with a platter of oatmeal raisin cookies and tea. She set them on the deck table and looked at the two men.

"There you go boys. I'll leave you two alone," Joanne wondered what would happen. The pained looked on Johnny's face at his party and her silent husband didn't bode well.

Roy pointed to a chair and Gage happily took it. It had sounded so much better in his head, not having to look at his partner's eyes.

Quickly grabbing a cookie, stuffing it in his mouth and letting the flavors caress his mouth. _I forgot about Joanne's cookies. Well eat up probably the last time you'll have em._

"I forgot how good Joanne's cookies were," his mouth full he took another one.

"Here help yourself," Roy pushed the plate towards his partner. Trying to prolong whatever possessed Gage to come to his house.

"No, it's all right Roy," Gage cleared his throat and took a sip of tea.

"First off I want to apologize for my behavior at my party. Drunk or not, it was mean, cruel and just stupid. I hope you will accept my apology." John looked at Roy.

"But Johnny," Roy held up his hand to speak.

"Just let me say what I have to say Roy okay. I don't think I can do it more than once, kay?" Gage's brown eyes pleaded with Roy's blue ones.

"Sure Johnny," Roy had now placed his hands palm down on the table, he could feel his heart rate going up and he was dreading what his partner had to say.

"Um, second. It was all my fault for what happened before you left for the academy. You're right I'm a nut and wouldn't know a good thing if it bit me in the ass. I was jealous, angry and just plain childish," John sighed, now he could get through the rest.

"Johnny," Roy begged, his hands clenched in fists.

"Please Roy," John stood up now afraid if he didn't do it now he wouldn't find the courage later. "Anyway it was the best thing for me, you leaving and all. Forced me to grow up, take stock of my life and find out what my priorities were instead of depending on someone to always pick up the pieces."

_NO," Roy's brain screamed. "He's thanking me for tearing him down. NO!"_

"So," Johnny took a few more cookies and ate them quickly. He was going to miss them, had missed them and the DeSoto family. John cleared his throat again and took a deep breath.

"Um, what I wanted to say, this next shift I plan on putting in transfer papers. You deserve a partner you can trust, respect and watch your back and I know I was... am never that person. Never, too much of a loose cannon until I got my act together. That's all I wanted to say. I'll see myself out," John turned quickly, finding he was still able to breathe tried to make a hasty exit.

Almost to the door, Joanne stopped him.

"Here Johnny," Joanne handed him a paper bag filled with cookies. "I know their your favorite I made a couple extra dozen this morning."

Unable to do anything he took the bag, "Thanks Joanne I didn't want you to go through all the trouble and…"

"You'll stay to dinner right?" Joanne asked hopefully maybe bring whatever was bothering her husband his partner and friend could help.

"Um, no I can't I have a date. Thanks again for the cookies and tell the kids hello for me," Johnny waved, made it out of the house still clutching the bag of cookies.

Gage hands shook while he drove to the hospital and his date.

Roy sat there for the longest time, trying to wrap his brain what his partner just had said.

"Johnny," he whispered. "JOHNNY!" Roy stood up and headed inside the house.

"He's gone Roy," Joanne hugged her husband.

"Oh Joanne. I've ruined everything," DeSoto shook his head.

"Roy DeSoto you sit down and tell me exactly what is going on between you and Johnny Gage," his wife ordered.


	28. Chapter 28

John made a slight detour on his way to the hospital. The transfer paperwork was all ready completed. When Roy first left he had contemplated moving on but hadn't. Pulling into the station, he took the paperwork and took a cookie. Munching on it he came into the apparatus bay to see both the engine and squad gone. The paramedic wasn't in the mood for company at the minute.

In the office he sat at one of the desk, pinched his nose with two fingers and looked at the transfer papers. It would be for the best; maybe if he was lucky he might be working with Andy again. He could always sell his house and find another one. With his green pen, he signed the papers and put in Stanley's in box. Sighing, he brushed the crumbs from his shirt, walked out of the office to the parking lot, pulled out of the station and headed towards Rampart.

****

"There you know everything," Roy took both his wife's hand. "I'm a bastard or what?" Sighing heavily he wondered if his precious wife would speak to him again.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" His wife's eyes pierced his.

"Stupid pride I guess and Johnny suffered for it. He was right you know. I belong in the field not some damn classroom. Joanne he told me he was transferring," the sandy haired father pointed at himself. "I should be the one transferring not him. You know all the guys suspected something but never told me. I'm a royal jerk."

"You can fix this Roy. I know you can. Just talk to Johnny. He always listens and…"

"Forgives? No Joanne not this time. I hurt him too much and… it's just better. I misjudged Johnny. He's a lot stronger and smarter then I thought," Roy could hear his children and soon he would go to work with a heavy heart.

*****

Once at the hospital Johnny's spirits were revived. No matter where he got transferred to the children were a priority. He found a few cookies left and asked for takers.

"You take them Johnny," said Mark in a wheelchair. "You have to have some too."

"Thanks," Gage ruffled the boy's hair. "See ya next week?"

Ten children waved their good byes as he headed out of the ward.

Out at the nurse's station, Angela watched her best volunteer and had an idea. John Gage had been coming to Pediatrics for the past year. He always called when he was coming not wanting the children to be disappointed. The children did their exercises in disguise and the nurse found John's mood changed after the children.

"Hello Johnny," Angela smiled.

"Oh take these," the paramedic handed her the paper bag. "There were a few cookies left. Oatmeal raisin."

"Thanks," Angela saw the dark haired man's expression change. "Penny for your thoughts?"

"Oh, it's…um…I have things…um…I have to go," sticking in his hands in his pockets, the paramedic quickly left the hospital.

*****

Roy hoped for once to beat Johnny for once but found his Rover in the parking lot. Sneaking in like a thief, DeSoto put his transfer request in Stanley's box. Maybe in some small way, Gage would get his happiness back.

Quickly changing DeSoto headed out to the bay and waited for roll call. He found Johnny all ready doing the biophone check and once again felt useless.

Stanley looked at his shift, particularly his paramedics; both men it appeared wanted to be someplace else at the moment. Giving assignments he went to his office for the never ending paperwork of a captain. Pulling out two documents in his in box, Hank was livid.

Opening his door and leaning out, "GATE, DESOTO IN MY OFFICE."

The tones sounded.


	29. Chapter 29

WAFF29

"Station 51. Engine 127. Engine 8. Structure fire. 2004 Alameda. Time out 15:27."

Stanley picked up the mic. "Station 51. KMG365."

There was silence in the cab of the squad. John concentrated on driving. He had a feeling why Stanley wanted them, but right now the fire was his main concern.

Pulling up to the building it was fully involved as Hank took control. It was a factory of some sorts, corrugated metal, windows and wood made it a perfect fire. Smoke had drifted filled with whatever toxic chemicals were in the building and danger inside.

"Marco, Chet I want 2 ½ work the front of the building and…"

A man in a suit ran up to them.

"I'm the plant manager," he said breathlessly. He was covered in soot, his hair a mess and his eyes teary eyed.

"Are all your people out?" Hank grabbed the man's arms.

"Um, no there are still two men in there. Upstairs I think, yes upstairs," the distraught man pointed to the second floor.

"Roy, John, full gear search the 2nd floor. Report every five minutes. Go!" Stanley ordered.

Roy and Johnny put on their turnouts, oxygen tanks, masks and helmets. Without a word they headed into the smoke filled building. Like usual Gage took the lead, his sixth sense always seemed to find the victims. Staying low on the stairs they made their way up to the second floor. Fire licked from every door with smoke taking a life of its own.

"You check one end," John pointed one way. "I'll check the other," he pointed the other way. "Yell if you find someone."

Roy nodded and made his way down the hall cautiously. Looking into each room, he found no one in the first three. Off to his right, he found another stairwell and then he saw them. A man and woman prone on the floor curled up in a little ball, unconscious.

"Johnny," Roy yelled and signaled. "JOHNNY!"

Gage turned around, saw his partner waving and headed down to Roy. Once there, DeSoto pointed out where the two victims were. In the stairwell, they each took a victim and headed out of the building. They had both come out and were almost clear when the whole building exploded. DeSoto went down hard with his victim; Johnny narrowly missed the explosion since he was a few feet ahead of his partner.

Both crews ran to each of the fallen men. Not so badly injured, Johnny ran to the still man.

"Roy?" John knelt next to him. "ROY! Can you hear me?"

Roy turned his head and opened his eyes.

"Oh thank God. Roy," the dark haired hands were shaking as Marco, Chet and Mike brought Gage, DeSoto and the two injured victims. Before long another squad arrived along with two ambulances.

Within minutes all four victims were on their way to Rampart. Johnny kept glancing over to his unconscious partner and wondered if he had done anything wrong. Maybe his own anger and hurt had caused the men not to get out in time. Both seasoned firefighters, they were familiar with flashovers. They should have tried harder to leave the fully engulfed building. Closing his eyes, Johnny gave into the fatigue that had been plaguing him for the last few weeks.

When he woke up next he was in a treatment room staring at the very unforgiving face of Kell Brackett. Ever since the party, Brackett had been stone faced and cold, not that it mattered. He had fallen in the great eyes of Brackett, another champion of the paramedic program once he got on board. Maybe it was time to change hospitals too, St. Francis or Harbor General to avoid the great doctor Brackett.

"You were pretty lucky today," Kell used his penlight on Gage's eyes. "But your partner wasn't." He stated coldly.

Johnny sat up, fearing he worst as his head pounded.

"Roy what's wrong with him?" Gage sat up on the examination table.

"Well he'll need a few days stay at the hospital and a week at home. But you can go back to work. A few bruises and contusions, nothing major," Brackett turned to leave.

"Wait a minute, where's Roy?" Johnny pleaded.

"Treatment room three. I'm not allowing visitors," Kell left the silent partner.

"Not allowing mean you mean," the dark haired paramedic got himself dressed and found Roy awake.

"Hey Junior," Roy's slurred a bit. "Some ride huh?"

"Yeah some ride. Looks like you get to stay at Rampart for awhile." Johnny inched closer to his prone partner. He could see cuts, bruises and bandages on his partner, probably the ones he had caused. The sooner he left the better. _ What was that saying? You always hurt the ones you love._

"No thanks to you of course," Roy sat up. "Junior," a serious face stared at him, "we have to talk." Sitting up was a bad idea; all ready he was fighting for breath, but Johnny needed to hear this.

"Talk Roy?" Johnny could feel his anger rise, "I think we did all the talking we needed to," the paramedic started to turn.

"Now you wait a minute, JUNIOR. I WANT TO TALK DAMNITT AND YOU'RE NOT HELPING!" Roy coughed making the urge for John to move quicker.

"I'm not junior I never was Roy. That was just your way…anyway I've got to go, duty calls," Johnny shut the door behind him, never happier to find the safety of the squad.


	30. Chapter 30

_**Thank you for all your wonderful comments. This is my first E! fiction. I promise resolution soon!! Just hang on a little longer.**_

A part of Johnny felt guilt and pain for his partner's injuries another part had no feeling whatsoever. He knew it was not in a good state to be in since patients and victims depended on his care and concentration. Knowing Roy maybe be injured because of his carelessness tore at his heart, along with Brackett's sudden coolness towards him. Gage found out, DeSoto had injured his shoulder, ribs and took a heavy beating. The bruises on Roy's face were hard to get out of his mind.

Pulling into the apparatus bay Gage could see who his temporary partner was, Craig Brice the walking rule book. Brice stood there with a smug, satisfied look on his face, which John would truly love to knock off but getting suspended wouldn't serve a purpose.

Climbing out of the cab, the tired paramedic headed towards the day room and hopefully left over dinner. Opening up the stove he was rewarded with a plate full of food, taking a glass out of the cupboard he poured himself a glass of milk, sat down with his plate and glass and dug in.

Brice made his way into kitchen, poured himself a cup of coffee and sat opposite Gage.

Johnny ignored the man; hoping food would help calm his restless heart and brain. Finished eating, he washed his plate, cup, utensils and put them away. Sated he heard the engine pull in, knowing they had been called out at Rampart. It was going to be one of those days.

The rest of the tired crew came in and went for coffee. Marco, Chet, Mike and the Cap looked absolutely beat. Not in the mood for conversation and still confused over Roy's emotions along with his own, Gage sat his goodnight and headed to the dorm. Thankfully Brice stayed in the day room. There were no calls the rest of the night and Gage went home to contemplate his unknown future.

****

Roy had said goodbye to his wife and now stared up at the white ceiling of his hospital room. He had told Joanne what transpired before, during and after the call. Both were perplexed at Johnny's reaction along with his. Knowing he had a perfect chance to talk to his partner and he blew it. Tired he closed his eyes and went to sleep. Tomorrow had to be better day.

*****

Coming in early, Johnny's heart just wasn't in today. All night he had thought about Roy and the mess he had made of everything. But then again, the old Johnny Gage always made a mess of things, one of the reasons DeSoto couldn't stand him and told him so before he left for the academy. The only right thing was being a paramedic; there he had some control, some connection and making a difference. Sighing he began making coffee and set out the doughnuts.

******

Roy looked up to see Kell Brackett come into his room.

"Morning doc. Any chance I can go home?" The sandy haired paramedic smiled.

"Yes Roy I think you can," Kell frowned and then looked at Roy.

"Something wrong doc?" Roy could see Brackett was thinking of something.

"Yes John Gage asked again if he could see you. I told him no," Kell stated flatly.

"Why doc?" Roy cringed inwardly knowing his partner would all ready feel the guilt of him being injured.

"You have to ask Roy? After what happened at the party I'm surprised you're still working together. Why the ..."

"Truth Johnny spoke of; you mean, don't you Doc?" Roy sunk deeper into his pillows, his mind going to that night.

"Truth? Johnny was drunk He was…" Brackett couldn't believe what he was hearing and was livid Roy let the dark haired paramedic's behavior slide.

"Yeah doc the truth, too bad he got sick for the really good part," DeSoto's voice went down a few octaves, "about the part where I tried to take away his livelihood and destroy him in the process."

Pulling a chair from the wall, Brackett sat next to the fallen paramedic still in shock with the current revelations.

"Bet I can tell you when Johnny started to change too. About six weeks after I left, huh?" Roy played with his sheets.

"Yes he did Roy, it was subtle at first and then he changed even more," Brackett recalled the last year as John Gage transformed himself.

"Yeah, it was when I cut him off cold because I knew he was right," Roy sighed. "You know Johnny was the last one to know of my promotion, guess I was scared he'd talk me out of it like the last time, when I went for an engineer position." DeSoto shook his head, "everything is my fault doc, everything."

Seeing the man distraught, Kell came over and squeezed Roy's forearm. "C'mon it can't be all bad. I've never known you to be a …"

"Cold, cruel hearted bastard?" Roy's blue eye's met the doctor's brown eyes. "Hey doc I'm not saint and I can be mean as the next guy."

"Roy I don't believe it. You are the most controlled man I know. You could never hurt anyone or anything intentionally," Kell reassured the torn man.

"Oh you don't understand, Johnny, well, Johnny knew me too well. You see those last two weeks he was real subtle, real subtle," Roy shook his head. "It'd be after a call and he say 'look at the life we saved today Roy. You won't get that in a classroom.' Or, 'look Roy you won't meet a finer group of guys watching your back, besides you'll miss the Cap's chowder' or how about 'think of all the politics Roy, it's pretty much black and white here'. So you see doc he was right all the time and it hurt he knew me too well."

Kell looked as Roy related his story and the last two weeks of his friendship and partnership of John Gage.

"But the kicker doc, after all his clever remarks I knew he was right and I was making a wrong decision. I was doing it for my family, thinking I'd be safer and I could take care of them better and Johnny knew better. So our last shift…our last shift I promised to have Johnny fired and blackballed," Roy rubbed his good hand over his face. "Being a paramedic, well that's Johnny's livelihood, his life and I threatened it."

"He didn't believe you, he couldn't," Brackett was indignant knowing John Gage to be intelligent and resourceful.

"You don't understand doc. Johnny's real insecure, he doesn't talk much about his life other than his aunt and maybe living on the reservation. He puts on a real good act for others but I can just imagine what he's been through. When he called and I shut him down, he…he became poster boy for the paramedics. I dunno doc every time I saw his and his partner's photo in the newsletters, newspapers and magazines I felt jealous knowing it should be me. I should be his partner."

***

Pulling into the bay after a harmless call, Brice looked at his temporary partner.

"So do you and DeSoto take turns on who gets hurt next?" Craig said with satisfaction.

John looked at him with disgust.

"Ya know Brice it might surprise you why we get hurt. We," Gage pointed to himself, "we care about our victims and to hell with the book. We, as fireman and paramedics, don't have cushy office jobs. People get hurt in the most unusual way. We have to be crazy to run towards burning buildings, car crashes and cliffs." John's eyes pierced the surprised Craig.

Pointing a finger into Brice's chest Johnny continued.

"Ya have to take risks to save people's lives or haven't you thought of that, Brice? I've never heard you getting hurt rescuing a patient on anything. You play it too safe Craig, maybe you should be a nurse in a safe, clean hospital. You wouldn't have to get your hands dirty saving poor, injured people. Think about that," Gage got out of the squad, slammed the door, leaving the stunned paramedic still in the squad.

"What's for lunch I'm starving," Johnny smiled as he walked into the day room.


	31. Chapter 31

**Thanks again for all your lovely comments, after the last chapter there will be an epilogue. Yes times they are a changing.**

Dr. Kell Brackett came down the elevator with a lot on his mind. He had been swift in his judgment against John Gage and now was feeling the aftermath. Roy had told him everything and swore him to silence. Maybe feeling just ashamed of his behavior as he headed back to the emergency room.

Kell found Dixie at the nurse's station hanging up the phone. Putting his hands in his long white coat, he looked over at the concerned nurse.

"I think I owe John Gage an apology," Brackett looked at the nurse, his brown eyes filled with remorse and pain.

"Oh?" McCall had told him bits of the conversation she had with Johnny but only the parts she could without compromising their friendship.

"Roy feels about the same way, Dixie. I thought with them both together again, we'd have the best team back again. I'm afraid we may lose them both," Kell crossed his arms, "I wish there was something we could do. Can I buy you lunch?"

"Um, no I just got a call from Angela Lopez, she's a nurse in Pediatrics, she wants to talk to me about Johnny," Dixie leaned on the counter.

"Hum, well I'm going to take another set of x-rays before I think about releasing Roy. You have to tell me about this lunch after," Kell smiled.

"I will Kell I will," Dixie smiled.

*****

Johnny was looking forward to going to the hospital; it had become the highlight of his week. Until recently Gage found himself more alone than he wanted but a phone call changed that.

Andy had called him about the birth of their baby.

"Congratulations," Johnny beamed knowing it would be a beamed.

"Well that's not the only reason I called Johnny," Andy's voiced gushed. "We want you to be godfather to little Michael."

"Are you sure man? Andy you barely know me and…"

"Stop stalling Johnny, you helped me propose and you've been here lots of times no questions asked. All the time you spent here helping us you'll be a great godfather. I won't take no for an answer!" Andy stated.

"All right man. Just tell me when and where," Johnny laughed.

"You got it buddy," he could hear the wailing of the baby in the back. "Got to go, thanks again."

"Okay bye," the paramedic hung up the phone.

Things were looking up for sure. He had a child to replace the DeSoto children and a new family to hang out. Sure they were a good ways away but getting a transfer wouldn't hurt so badly. Besides he had promised Stanley to wait until Roy returned and he was coming back next shift.

Gage checked to make sure he had everything since he was leaving in a few minutes. A knock on his door stopped him. He wasn't expecting any visitors.

Opening up the door Roy DeSoto stood there, big as life.

"Hi Johnny could I come in?" Roy gave a softened smile.

"Um, I…"

"Oh don't worry I told your 'date' you might be a few minutes late," DeSoto guided the stunned John further into his house.

"My date? What do you know about my date!?" Gage was nervous he had tried to keep it a secret too long.

"Sit down Junior," Roy gently put Johnny onto his couch. "Angela Lopez had long conversation with Dixie about giving you some award and…"

"AWARD! I don't want any award!" Johnny stood up again only to be gently pushed back down again.

"Don't worry Johnny. Dixie's going to talk her out of it. I'm sorry but when I was cleaning your place I kinda wanted to know where your trophy wall was," Roy blushed.

"Oh," John sighed and looked at his floor.

"Yeah, well, I found the drawer filled with all the awards and stuff. The only thing I found was on a wall was your paramedic certificate, a photo of your paramedic graduation and us in front of the squad. I'm really sorry about it Johnny. I owe you a lot and..."'

"Like I said Roy, I have a date and…" Gage looked at his traitorous partner. No secrets it seemed.

"Johnny please just listen to me," Roy pleaded, his mouth in a thin line, his hands out stretched.

"Why?" Johnny voiced as he ran his hand through his hair and stuck his hands in his jean pockets.

"Well for one thing Junior," the sandy haired man, guided Gage back to the couch. "You don't come into a man's house, lay some heavy stuff on him and split. It just isn't cool. You didn't even give me a chance to respond. So just listen to me and after, if you want, I transfer and you'll never hear or see from me again." Misty blue eyes looked at the paramedic.

Looking at the distraught man John didn't have a choice.

"All right Roy. All I can promise is all listen," leaning back into the couch he waited for the worst.


	32. Chapter 32 and Epilogue

Thank you for all your lovely comments and reading my story. I hope to have more as I remember E! on it's first run. Thanks again for staying with me.

John looked at his partner and his pleading eyes. He knew Roy couldn't say anything to change his mind but would give him a chance.

"So?" Gage looked expectantly as DeSoto started.

"First off I'm sorry about your secret being let out. Dixie told me right before I was released from the hospital," Roy looked at the ground and then him. "I figured it was pretty bad when the only way you could be yourself was with kids. Funny I always like the fun loving Johnny. You helped a lot after some of the calls we had."

Johnny jaw's tightened.

"I know sorry doesn't even begin to cover it Johnny," Roy was pacing in front of him, his arms flailing and his voice raising and falling.

"Every time I saw your photo in the newsletters I just got madder at myself and then thought of you. Johnny I never met for you to change, I was just plain old angry. Then I heard about the new John Gage and I didn't want to believe it, you know," Roy grinned, "Cause if you did change it was my fault," he pointed to himself.

"But Roy…" John interrupted only to be stopped.

"Please I'm not finished yet. I always liked the nut, you know. I mean I had an old boring life and here you were just free and easy. I was kinda jealous of you sometimes," Roy laughed nervously, "you could drop everything and do what you want. You know after I came back I tried to talk to you, but you were never home and I gave up pretty quick. Me!"

"But Roy!" Johnny could see the pain and remorse etched on his partner's face. Cool, calm Roy DeSoto was visibly upset and pleading for mercy.

"I'm not done yet, Johnny. I mean you had a million times to tell me 'I told you so' but you didn't. You should' a kicked my butt with that. I mean I was back and you didn't say a damn word." DeSoto paced again.

Gage watched as Roy paced again, wondering how much he had suffered since being back.

"You know how quiet is in that damn cab, Johnny? If I wanted that I woulda worked with Brice. But you make the job bearable and I ruined it. Sure, I knew things were going to change but not that much and I apologize for turning you into another Brice. I couldn't take away your job, ever. Hell Johnny you're always helping people out. And all the time you came over and helped without asking," Roy turned and looked at John.

"But the biggest thing is the kids keep asking for you. They tell me how much fun Uncle Johnny is and how he makes their day and I had to lie to my kids Johnny. I had to lie," Roy's voice broke. "So I'm really sorry and if you never want to see me again I understand. I put in a transfer notice. I guess I should have done in the first place. I just thought things would be just like old times. Funny huh?" Roy stood there, his hands in his jean pockets looking at him, "So?"

Johnny looked at his distraught partner and knew things were going to be okay. He wasn't alone anymore and his partner was back.

"You know Roy, those kids can be quite a handful," the dark haired paramedic stood up.

"Huh?" DeSoto wondered if Gage had suddenly lost it.

"Well you know why I started going to see the kids don't you?" Johnny figured everything was out.

"No, I don't just that Angela Lopez told Dixie about once or twice a week you see the kids that's all. Oh and you had been going for about a year," Roy was still confused.

"Well the truth was…adult PT was boring and the kids were having such fun and it was okay with the doctors and I could be myself," Johnny sighed finally telling someone the whole truth.

"I didn't know Johnny. I'm sorry. I saw you or rather when you were in the coma and I was a coward and couldn't come back when you were awake," Roy eyes misted. "I really sorry about that too."

"Well like I was saying those kids can be quiet a handful," Johnny was smiling. "Now it's not so bad when there are six kids but sometimes I have a dozen and well I just can't get to em all, you know."

Roy nodded, still confused.

"So it sure would be nice if I had a friend helping, you know," Johnny held up his hands. "Another set of hands."

"A friend," Roy pointed to himself.

"Yeah Roy a friend. Someone who understands the kids and kinda knows where I'm coming from," Johnny's eyes lit up.

"You're serious Johnny. You mean after all that's happened?" Roy couldn't believe his ears, he wasn't sure he would've done the same thing.

"Yeah, and Roy I know how important your family is to you and how'd you do anything for 'em," John winked. "So if you have plans all ready I understand and maybe another time and…."

"NO, no I can use your phone right?" Roy's blue eyes were filled with worry.

"Of course Roy," Gage smiled again.

"All right I'm calling Joanne and telling her I'll be a little late and you're staying for dinner! Because if you don't Joanne will skin me alive. Okay?" Roy eyes were filled with pride and joy.

"Yeah Roy and…"

"Don't go anywhere," Roy walked briskly to the phone.

"No Roy I won't go anywhere," Johnny laughed.

**EPILOGUE**

**Six Months later**

John was tying his tennis shoes in the locker room at the end of his shift.

"So are you coming over tonight?" Roy asked almost finished dressing.

"Nope going to spend it with my godson. That kid is growing like a weed," the paramedic said proudly.

"Sheesh, Gage," Chet groused. "You act like it was your kid. With all the photos and stuff."

"Well you see Chet I feel partly responsible. I showed Andy how to propose to Glyniss. I'm just sorry I missed their wedding," Gage announced proudly.

"You," Chet stammered, "You can't even get a date and you helped Andy propose?" He started to laugh.

"Well Chet, my partner here is full of surprises aren't you Johnny," Roy patted John on the shoulder.

"Well guess I am. Oh and thanks Cap," Johnny looked at his superior.

"Oh my pleasure," Stanley beamed. "Mike's going to meet me there and we'll take care of the kids. Besides you need a break now and then."

"Wait a minute Cap, are you telling me you've helped Gage's kids at the hospital?" Chet said with consternation.

"Yeah Chet you ought to try it sometime," Hank advised.

"Yeah Mama and me went, it was a blast," Marco added.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute," Chet was outraged. "Everyone but me has helped those kids. How come?"

"Well I think that's self explanatory. Got to go and thanks again," Johnny waved as he headed to the back of the station.

Roy caught up to him before he left.

"Johnny," Roy leaned on John's rover.

"Yeah," Johnny leaned to facing his partner.

"Joanne really wants to meet Angela," Roy smiled and laughed.

"Well Roy," Johnny said slowly with wisdom, "I taking it slow with her. I guess we've been friends and right now I just meet her for coffee now and then."

"Okay but if you need any advice I'm here, you know," Roy walked over and patted him on the shoulder. "That's what friends are for, you know."

"Yah, Roy. That's what friends are for," Johnny laughed long and hard.


End file.
